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mood changing day....

today in sch...is a day of changing mood day....how should i explain it...also don really know how say it ba...then how should i start all this ne...i also don know...

just continue ba....

*
though don need...but still must say sorry to someone...u know is u ba...i somehow ps ni...paiseh....i wont say it forced...i say it my fault...sorry....
*


i cannot smile really lively to u...coz u talking abt him....i trust watever u said...serious....u say wat...i believe wat...i don doubt u...nvr will i....

just wish u to accept the liitle care and concern sometimes frm me only....even if no...take care greatly too....










u never leave me at all...u know...


Tuesday, October 30, 2007
9:37 PM


wat my heart is doing....???

hmmm....wat my heart is doing...wat is he doing...wat happen....???

it caused a big change these few days....i say stay positive...my heart rejected me...it say cannot...u must be thinking...

"huh,wth..."

bt it true...after every phone call u put down...i alway hope it can never be put down...it is not the past i cannot put down...it is also not the fact that i cannot accept...but is that my heart still with u that will never come back....u tell me..wat can i do....!!!



alot of ppl around me are actually having their own problems...but they act as if normal without letting people know...but just don know why...i can still see that they are hiding...maybe is because i am doing the same thingy or am i just a pathetic guy to see all this...i don know...i just want to live more happily...



a care....
a concern....
a love.....



it is something for u to feel...coz it will only be shown to u...my only...though i know u don want...can u feel it....

i don blame u...that is the reason why i alway standing by u...no matter wat going to happen..


Sunday, October 28, 2007
10:22 PM


the route....

i didnt go sch today.....yup...the school start this week...wasnt a busy week but i do feel tired....don know why also....



i chosen wat one of my friend said...i will try be positive...i will remember wat he said to me...but i don know whether it will have any result...i only know i will continue to give...without expecting return....coz i also saw wat my fren say in her blog....wat she said is really touched me....i don know how explain but then i know she wrote something that alot in love don understand....

i live positively...doesnt mean i have put down u...it is just to tell u that i still loving u but in a better way...showing u wat i really am...how strong i am to u...i don dare to hope for everything...something which is impt is to prove i have the ability to do all the things u need frm me...



i don know that can last how long...but i know as long i am living...i will be the one behind u always....even if i am dead...i will still bless u...coz u are the only one....



giving...thinking of reward...
might as well don think of giving....

don alway think of why he/she done for u...
instead...
think of wat u have done for him/her....

life is short....
it doesnt mean an accident will finish everything..
but is your mind finished it....




so wat is love....???
not many can really ans this question...i mean not many...i mean the correct ans of coz....




then wat is xin fu ne.....???






i don know....


Friday, October 26, 2007
6:43 PM


appreciation....

is it appreciation....

the things i need is it appreciation....i also not very sure...coz i am still looking at myself...or is looking for myself...


the appreciation i want is not there...
the appreciation i had is not the one i really want.....


appreciate wat ppl have done for u....i learn how to....but i also wish ppl do will appreciate me....am i wrong to think about that....i don ask for too much...really...just some appreciation from u....


the trying and trying have made me very tired.....
the believe and believe have made me very disappointed....
the wearing and wearing of mask has made me very exhausted....
the long and long for you made me more wish for you....


words from you is so important that you don realise...words that come out from you sometimes do made me disappointed....i only know you are happily talking....i really wish for you to understand and appreciate me.....but...



i don think it going to come...





true.....








*hurting with tears flowing not from my eyes but my heart...*


Wednesday, October 17, 2007
12:38 AM


it like never ending....

it not the same anymore...or isit alway never been the same at all....used to ask myself wat i have done wrong and then reflect myself to correct myself from doing the same things again....until i still doing all these to make myself to be a even better person...but...it seem never end...it is alway my fault...i alway think wat i have done wrong...most knew the mistake but still there are some that i still kdon know till now...i really don know...

what should i do...???

all i want is just 1 thing....i don care for others even if i am to lose most of it...i only want one thing...but it never seem to come at all...or is it i too stupid...really stupid....am i....haiz....




sometimes i really think u are cruel to me....

sometimes i really think u are unfair to me....

sometimes i really think u are not the one to me....

sometimes i really think u are disappontment to me....



but...i know u would say it none of my business...it no longer be the same too...but still i never put down...after all the thinking...i really don know why i still think it u....


u are happy...is it....
i know...
really....


but i don at all....
u know....
really....


i am not a single happy at all....all the mask...mask and still mask...u know...u no longer feel the kind of feeling i wanted to give u....u no longer...or u don want...

i don doubt u at all...just continue to believe u(someone who i will believe anything she say)...whether u believe or not....




it the true...



my heart never left....






u......


Friday, October 12, 2007
1:52 PM


don appreciate....

hmmm.....another day of thinking....yes...i still did not get the answer i want yet and try to make myself a better man...therefore, i still standing at the same old place...or isit i have been standing there for a long time already.....i not sure...i only can say maybe i am really ba...

still cant get on the happy life...my heart still do not get the happy feeling i used to have...can only act as if i am alrite....but nvm...i think i am used to it le ba...have to continue like this i also have to...

hold on.....


just seen wat my friend wrote....he said that "those who do not appreciate LIFE, don not deserved to be living in this world"....is he telling the truth....then am i still deserved living in this world....i do not know at all...coz i think i also don appreciate wat LIFE is....

LIFE is so colorful...yet i can only see the black and white....wat am i going to do....i do not blamed anyone...do not...just know that my heart that set to u....i have never thought of others at all....

wanting to let u know my feeling seem like no longer impt anymore....coz i know u wont be happy with wat i actually thinking...so i rather u continue be happy....





people....

have to learn and change for the better....

i tried....

though not perfect.....

but i have never...never....never...

let other people worry about me anymore while outside...



seriously....








i never put u down b4.......


Sunday, October 07, 2007
3:20 PM


having doubts...

doubts....

doubts....

doubts....


having all this in my mind...don know how to get rid of it...think is because i don really how to solve it ba...i don blame anyone...should be all my fault...so never blame anyone except myself....

should reflect on my ownself....


i am quite confused with the whole world is working...don know how to face with it...i know whining doesnt solve anything...i make myself try not to do it again...seen alot of things...done alot of things...even think alot of things...but in the end...all come to nothing....

certified....


i am a useless freak....



have i really got the wrong side again...???


i have already tried and change so many things in me...it is like never enough...i just don know wat to do....

have i really done something so serious that i have no chance to have a chance to repent...why my life is alway so shit....i am a failure...haiz....





life become more meaningless for me after ytd.....i tot to myself...ya...is everything to me is a fake thing...or am i just imagining to myself...i just pleased that my EQ controlled me quite better not to get any angry mood at all...but my heart....wat can be done to him....

nobody saved...nobody going too....



i am a useless freak...!!!


yes i am...i should have knew it from the start....nobody going to care about u anymore...



thanks all my frens....


Saturday, October 06, 2007
7:14 PM


does it still stay the same...

hmmm..it been a week plus since i last update...to me in the past..it is still ok...to me now...it is abit rusty already...

it is not lazy that prevent me doing things now(but it is still something i would use in order to not explain too much)...it is alway the feeling that make me no longer got interest to do anything...

last fri met some new friends from WLNU...i know they are all very nice ppl...thank you for all your great comment..i know they are stories of ppl living worse than me even b4 u all told me yours....i know mine is really nothing...but some thing is really not say put down...your heart will put down....anyway,really thanks for wat u all have said....zhen de xie xie ni men....=)

ytd went to took out the stitches that is on my hand....i no longer feel the painfulness in my hand anymore....wat has happen....i also not very sure...but alway of something...that is u...




walking....walking...walking....
met and talk.....
start and quarrel....
end and sad....
continue...
to walk....


the walk no longer different from the walking at start anymore....the walk is now consist of something that wanting u beside...even in the imgainary....it no longer the same anymore....it may be the same for u...but it is really diff now...




the persisent of one is the same or not...
time really still stay the same or not...
ppl heart still stay the same or not...
environment will still stay the same or not...
dreams will still stay the same or not...




nobody knows...only i will know...it can no longer be felt unless it is being said...i wanted so much to say....

but...





it seem it would never be said anymore....


Tuesday, October 02, 2007
4:04 PM


Life
tat wee,kobe




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