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envy and not....

going to book in soon...tml is public holiday but i have to book in today as i have guard duty to do today...so too bad...going to spend the public holiday with other guards that are inside too....anyway....life inside is actually not that tough if u think in another way...just that i wouldn't adjust to the weather there and the excessive unnecessary vulgar used by them....but have to adjust asap, or i will be the one who suffer the most....

anyway...sometimes was feeling envy of others of having this and that....not envy them sometimes cause of their negative return they got...some put in so much efforts....but what they got back was bad or nothing at all....maybe really that in this world, not everything u want and then put in efforts then u will get what u really desire....heard alot of different stories from different people....some got really sad, some hold back, some got another new in return which make them happy.....nobody would really explain what has really happened....cause nobody really know the answer or the truth of it....some may say it, but still hold back some of it without letting another party upset....

but for me....i do wish to be reality than envy another even i know what i have now is really good already....and not to take for granted.....the answer i am still seeking do make me become silence at times of the day....i only know that if u want to know someone, do make some effort to find out either from that person or others or else u are not actually making any effort at all....and that show alot of things.....


Tuesday, September 30, 2008
12:46 PM


2 confinement weeks over...

Hi readers...i'm back after the 2 weeks in BMT life(confinement)....journey for this 2 weeks was not long but also not too short also....alot of experiences inside, things that i'm prepared to face before i enlist and also things that i didn't expect to face all come to me.....but overall experiences was not bad though.....i got injured by the rifle on hand and then on the head which cause me to bleed alot, but i am alright now...so still ok....training was tough, sun is much more warmer than in SG....but i believe that is a great experiences foe me....

made alot of friends of course...just like what my buddy said in the past that i will meet alot of different character and attitudes people inside....and ya, i do met alot....haha....some talk like want to fight, some talk like a sissy and etc of course....but in the end they all mean no harm at all, it is just the way they have been talking for years so it not totally their fault anyway.....oh ya....i'm botak now...haha....quite used to it already....and don't have the urged to live with long hair now...maybe that the biggest mindset i have changed while i am inside....

yesterday was happy that after about 13 days of leaving local island, i stepped back....all of us saw alot of stuffs that we don't see inside...and the feeling was like a bird finally been freed by its owner after years of keeping in the cage....that feeling was really wonderful....=)

Thank GOD that nothing happened for my family....but still have stuffs to catch up with some of my friends....and yes, there is stuffs that i wish to know after the blog....remember....i want to know...

i think that all for now...i will try to update if there is anything new....thanks for reading anyway....=)


Monday, September 29, 2008
12:41 PM


so long yet so short...

having a split headaches now....hope tml will be alright as i don't wish to bring any illness in....and hope for the rest of training pass more smoothly....

i have been waiting for quite long before these really come...it seem like yesterday that my buddies just went in and i'm grumbling about the 3 months later....now it my turn, still, i do feel the nervousness and now fear do haunt me sometimes for different reasons.....it been a long time that i appear at pasir ris in the afternoon...but the meet was quite short, didn't really have a good talk about it...but do appreciate the stuffs i got....

anyway, whole day was at home accompany family....hope to fully spent the whole day...and ya, i think i have spent the day better than i thought....

think that is all, nothing on my mind now as i having splitting headache now...take care everyone...hope i will be back here again after the reflection.....


Monday, September 15, 2008
10:59 PM


Buddy 21st Birthday..

yesterday went to celebrate buddy 21st birthday at Jumbo seafood resturant at clarke quay...it was his treat...my another buddy and i was most impressed with the shark fin...cause he didnt just order a whole bowl and separate it to small bowls to us but to my surprise, it is not....the pictures below shown is distributed one each for everyone.....





this is the first time i ate until like so grand...and as i expected, prices will sure not be so cheap...what i heard is around going 900 bucks for total bill...that expensive...only stuff i got to complain is their service, it is really bad, we only ask for them to distribute food into small portions to everyone, her face immediately turn "black"....got so annoyed with it, pay so much and got this kinda of service- rated them 2/10 for their service....

after that, we went down to pub to continue the celebration...at first, was deciding which pub to go-at this time, a waitress who is outside smoking keep introduce us to go in her pub and give all kind of smile and friendly look....so we took there but was disappointed for her attitude towards us after she sold us the drinks...the songs was also given less to us in favour of those regular customers....actually in fact, the drinks there are more expensive than other pubs around...shouldn't have chosen there...anyway, hope my buddy and friends enjoyed yesterday...i do enjoyed yesterday just for some stupid service by some "ugly" Singaporean.....



Sunday, September 14, 2008
9:57 PM


JB trip

firstly, i shall show u all the door gift that i got from my cousin solemnisation dinner...take a look below....






so, shall talk about yesterday trip to malaysia...trip was not a bad one except for some incident...we went to 3 places, didn't really bought alot of stuffs, just went there to buy some stuffs for family and have nice foods that is cheap.....it is a trip that we buddies planned for very long and finally, we get to fulfill it.....that is a nice feeling and 1 trip down for us...hope for the Europe trip to come sooner rather than later....



finally, i felt the feeling of getting frustrated for repeating the same words over and over again....last time i made others repeat the things they said afew times, they got really angry, i don't really know why and think they are just petty...but i was wrong, i finally know how they are really feeling now....except that for now, i should really learn how to control my emotions when i got frustrated with this kinda of stuffs again....and i shall tell myself, not to keep letting people repeat what they wanna said....



been thinking of why people can be selfish nowadays....always care about themselves and still themselves....i don't think there are exception in human beings....in some way or another, there will be selfishness shown to others....u never know what they really thinking even when they treat you really good at a times....that is something really scary....or should i say it is normal...as there are sure something in your mind that will never reveal to another party even they are your closest kins....


Friday, September 12, 2008
3:37 PM


solemnisation dinner

decide to write a post before i go down to malaysia later....this week is an nervous week for me, and of course this week is also a week that i will accompany or rather they accompany me before i'm going in....the monday that just past is my cousin solemnisation dinner...think she getting married next year and she is 23 next year...that is a young age for getting at this time.....anyway, really congrats them and wish they to be as loving as always.....didn't have pictures now...hope will get the pictures up here asap.....

hmmm....was reflecting about myself....cause i was thinking am i going to be like the person that i am before- the one who is also don't look at myself before saying others and only know how to talk without actions....i've been contradicting with all the questions i had...look like i'm going to be but hope this reflection will make me realise earlier and not to let me turn back i am before....there are things that make me really worried...there are things that make me want to get worry...and there are things that i am not qualified to get worry.....

actually, in my heart, i try to make alot of things look easier so i can solve it in easier way...but still, alot of times- i'm wrong....i overlooked it...i don't think i am as careful and observant as before.....maybe there are times that make me feel very forgetful...i really forget all the stuffs i have learnt....that is why now, i do have the thought of not believing what others said...it make doubt sometimes...it make me not really happy having the thought.....


Thursday, September 11, 2008
10:23 AM


Grandma is in hospital...

yesterday night went to see grandma with family....she is staying in hospital now after she fall down on wednesday....then on thursday, she still can walk around with abit of difficulty....on friday, i heard my my mum say my aunt cried as she saw grandma can't even stand up....i was shocked, very shocked...as i see or heard anything from my aunt before....and thanks GOD....my grandma still look good yesterday....

saw my cousin yesterday...and they talk about him wanting to join as a christian...i've no comment...cause i do feel this topic is quite sensitive...can also say that i do believe in HIM too...that why i don't want to comment so much...and time pass fast, he is going to enlist to ns on this coming wednesday...

ok, talk about myself.....begin to stop myself from thinking about the selfishness of a person....maybe like sr said...because man really selfish...and it won't change because you don't like it, and in fact, it will stay there even longer than u can imagine....too many people have too many distraction and too many distractions are making them blur and unclear of the right path....

words are "cheap" man....really "cheap" if u don't know how to turn it into actions...alot of people don't understand what i'm trying to say...but i'm sure everyone heart, there are something/someone that mean more for you than others, and when that is hit with a big impact, you will understand what i'm trying to say....



Don't promise if you feel cannot fulfill it.....cause you never know how important is the promise to another....and i think you will never know who i'm trying to say....


Monday, September 08, 2008
12:13 PM


mask is back...

the blog is becoming less and less safe to write stuffs that u wanted to say now...they are so fake now...but no deny and doubt that i'm will still say some stuffs....for me, i can't believe the mask is like coming back to me now....whatever i think, whatever i do....it seem to follow and catch up me....

empty....emptiness......

but of course i'm not going to let it catch up on me....i'm going to leave that asap...don't really feel really good these few days...especially today....felt like sickness is coming too...

still looking to know more about human beings...their thinking, their actions, their emotions, their sins, their everything....maybe just hope to know everything about what a human beings will do and react when they lost control of themselves, and not letting their emotions to get over their head...but till now, i have found nothing...of course in some finding, everyone will have an aim to really find out something and me, i really wish to know....



"why a person will say with no actions attached...???"
"why a person will say another with no reflect on whether they does the same...???"
"why a person will overcome by their emotion like anger when they understand it will hurt another...???"
"why a person will act as if they are top of the world by talking when he and others know he/she is not...???"
"why a person will forget the good things done...???"



this world is full of questions...with full of "why" that i really hope to know...with some "why" that i will never get to know the answers at all....i'm not feeling good...i'm not feeling happy...and i'm not feeling well at all......


Sunday, September 07, 2008
12:36 PM


back to my own world...(part 2)

back to my own world with blogging after the computer back to working condition.....what really wish to continue is that i begin to continue to kept quiet today for more thinking....for thoughts that have never thought before and thoughts that have been....missed appointments for the home stay reflection today...i feel it is not yet finished business.....

got nothing in my mind for a while....and then i felt like the world is full of different people and things....ones may think all are almost the same but in the end, stuffs and incidents happen make it different in terms of characters, attitude, content and etc....the list will go on with never ending point....i begin to feel that human being are a difficult living things to understand, they do not have the kind of loyalty like some animals, they do not have the kind of stand some plants have, they do not have the abilities not be overturned by the deadly emotions like greed and etc.....but they are given the ability to speak, expressing what they really want by our great GOD.....they are the symbol being sent by GOD......

anyway, it ok if u don't understand....i have something to share with all of u(something that i long wished to put it here)....it is really somewhere that i would love to live in in future....certainly a place for consideration for everywhere....and below is Dubai(Palm Island)....:






seen the above apartment...the scenary are even more better...
built-up area is 5000 square feet,
plot area is 6500 square feet,
with 4 Bedrooms(with bathroom attached)+ 1 Maids Room(with bathroom attached)+ 1 Bathroom, 1 Living Room, 1 Dining, 1 Kitchen, 2 Balcony, 1 Pool, 1 Garage for 2 Cars.

and can u see, this is a small apartment shown to u....it cost about
AED5,659,240 = SGD2,210,392.6971

as compared, it is worth it......



Friday, September 05, 2008
10:59 PM


back to my own world...(part 1)

back to my own world of blogging with computer back to working condition again....things happen for me these few days...or in fact, things happen for everyone everyday....making alot of decisions these few days...maybe today hope to be kept alone, with no one disturbing to sort out what i really want....

days elapsing, day by day, the time spending on the local island will be less now....not feeling scare but just nervous cause finally it my turn...feedbacks and feedbacks and feedbacks coming form friends, who are the ones who give my heart the preparation and who are just laughing and trying to frighten me before i go in, i know who is it...thanks friends for the preparation but was annoyed by the latter....not frustrated nor angry but annoyed and irritated....for it is, nothing really big deal about it.....

stuffs that hope to be able to get back doesn't really will come now...or should it will never come...so nvm, forget about the stuffs that wanted it back and continue with the stuffs u have now....

nowadays, people alway just share with u when u having the joy, when they are suffering and needed help, it don't comes anymore....and for me, more and more of this kinda of people gather around me, making me feeling more and more wish to distance them....maybe this is what being said as "true colour"...

i got lots more to say but after just went for a water break, i forgot some parts....anyway, i will continuing this post another time....



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