Beloved Grandma Funeral
It all started from last Thursday-010410. A day that I will never forget in my life anymore. She's gone. My Beloved Grandma gave up on her fight to the illness after all the sufferings over the years. What she left behind is a husband(my grandpa) who fight back all the tears from the day she left till the funeral end, a brave guy who still can console me, my mum and etc when he saw us crying so badly. She also left behind all the love ones.
I just booked out last Thursday when i heard of this news from my mum who is crying over the phone, at that moment, there was nothing i can say in words to describe the feeling i'm having. The cab journey there becomes a long one for me. I saw someone without breathing lying on the bed with people crowded around her, she left without saying or seeing us. I fight back the tears but couldn't at all. She is the second Grandma died on a Thursday, she's closest to me, the tears dropped for her become the most ever in my life after my baby time's. I didn't touch her when she was lying there motionless, I am speechless, till now, I still refused to believe it is true. I don't want to feel her cold hands, I really don't want...
We chose to bury her and not cremate as this is her wish. Today is her first day under the ground, I'm thinking alot of things, I'm afraid of pests biting her body, I'm afraid of her being too dark underneath, I'm afraid of her being too cold or too hot in the coffin, I'm afraid of alot more...
Now, she just passed away, will she be alone? We are always there for her over the years, and now she's gone by herself, do she know her way? Grandma, sister told me that mum dream of you last night, can you come to my dream tonight? I miss u...
Another worry for me is my Grandpa, he is alone now, after 60years together with her, he is alone now. How is he going to occupy himself? I can see he is sad, but I really don't know what to say. People say: when someone died, the ones who really got the most sadness are those who are still living. I think it is really true. What to do now?
There are too many things that I do not wish to disclose here for stuffs that need to be condemn. Maybe I don't even have the rights to say them at all. Whatever it is, a guy who cry doesn't mean he is a weakling, ok.
Ah Ma, Take Care...
Please Bless Ah Gong and My Mummy(Your Daughter) especially for their health and everything....
Monday, April 05, 2010
10:29 PM