101 days
Today is my grandmother's 101 days in sleep. Was thinking of writing this post yesterday, but was too tired to write after one whole day at the cemetery. I'm thinking if one's dead is not going to stop them from talking to their loved ones, i guess we would not be so sad, especially my grandfather, he seem the one who misses my grandma the most.
In fact, I still get see some idiotic people who show totally no respect to grandma(just like the time when they were attending grandma's wake). I know how to agrue with them if i'm given a chance but because of stupid tradition's rule, i'm not allowed. The world is becoming more and more different now as compared to the past, i guess i will not even keep in contact with them at all if i do really earn big bucks in future(even if i do not). It is "ugly" to say that, but that is life.
Today, my second sister is going to get married. I was thinking yesterday why they allowed me to wake up late. I got the answer today, i shall not comment too much here, I can only say the arrangement is because of their selfishness and supersitious-thinking. It will only make even more unhappy- not sad at all. If all of you think it is alright, then i'm going to tell everyone that "getting married" in future will be no-no stuff for me anymore, at least i do not give anymore hope and then disappointment.
i can say to you all===> THANK YOU hah! i will remember that...
Saturday, July 10, 2010
8:39 AM
Days going slower/faster
Days has been untimately slower in camp as there are less friends in there which make me don't feel like returning back there at all, I don't understand why they are people who can put their years of life to the SAF by "signing on". Days passed faster when i'm outside, especially when i'm enjoying myself, but wait, "enjoying myself?". I don't think i've been enjoying at all.
Life's been quite motionless for me. I don't really have any direction to head for or any ambition or excitment about stuffs that is going to happen. What should i do? I don't know.
Really don't know.
Monday, July 05, 2010
2:03 PM
Am I Stupid?
It's been so long that i'm feeling this way, I'm talking about whether I'm a kind of person who are so stupid till people can used me? In this political world, I've wearing different masks to face different groups of people, which make me feeling so unhappy now.
"Happy" is like a distant "relative" from me, "he" is like already left me for so long without even have an idea to come back to see me at all. "He" left his "brother" unhappy to me, so it means wherever i go, "he" followed me.
Why?
I'm a human, a real human being living in this world. Do I really deserve the treatment that I'm getting now? I didn't do anything really that bad to deserve this few years of sufferings and is still continuing. I just want to lead my life back like in the past, can I?
Who do I understand me?
Who is the person?
Everything seem so fake to me, even myself. I just wish that when I eventually leave the army, everything will "go". But that is like what i said before i entered the army. Everything stayed the same, instead of getting better, it got worse.
Friday, July 02, 2010
7:22 PM
