Without UThe World Is So MeaninglessWithout U

Happy CNY 2012...

2012-01-24T16:32:00.002+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year guys. Today is the second day of CNY and end of my long holidays, back to work tml just make my day sucks today. But anyway, still hope everyone enjoyed the long holidays.

It's been a while since I blogged. Been too busy and lazy with too many stuffs in my life. Ya, it seems like I always complained about too many stuffs, ya, I'm human afterall. Too many things to blog about if I wanna say all the stuffs happened for the past few months. Lst's talk about this CNY. It was a very shagged day for me on the first day as I spent the whole of eve with her in a way to stay awake as well. Gatherings with cousins was not as fun as before, just find that I've nothing much to talk to them, maybe we all got our own directions and views, different aspects and bla bla bla. So in a way, nothing much about it, not that fun at all.

Been looking for a friend who went missing for months, am still looking for him, really have no idea where is he, hope u can call me asap if u see this, my friend.

Ok, that's it. I don't know what to write anymore, see you guys next time. Happy CNY everyone.

back to reality

2011-10-07T16:14:00.002+08:00

My holidays going to end soon, a almost 2 weeks holidays including the Thailand trip is ending this coming Monday, not something I fancy nor something I don't like, because working is a part and parcel of every one's life. The trip was filled with so many 'first times". It was fun and tiring especially for me, as I only slept like 2 hours everyday, freaking shagged when I'm back in sg. Anyway, this trip bring our bond closer and thank Lord for giving us this blessing as there are friends who went together but because of one's childish acts, they can't even be friends now so I'm glad we didn't break our friendship but bond are even closer.

So many things happened for the past few weeks, I don't even know where to start with. So let's talk about the situation now. I don't know what I am thinking these few days, I'm thinking of something which is not possible or should say impossible. Don't crap with me saying " nothing is impossible", the phrase do not have a strong stand at all, so don't give this kind of comment to me. Life wasn't bad, wasn't that good too. I'm always troubled by this kinda of stuffs, whatever happened seems fated but times and times again, I was bring to not trust fate. So how? I don't know what is the next step at all.

a hectic saturday

2011-09-11T16:07:00.002+08:00

It's been a great and hectic saturday yesterday. Met up with 3 different droups of friends for different actitivties, result- damn shagged now and though it's fun, I will not do it again else I will die sooner.

It all start with friday. After a stupuid day at work, supposed to meet up with friends for butter-ing but due to family gathering, I have to give a miss but, unexpectedly, it's ends early, I didn't went as I was not wearing shoes, so went to celebrate my friend birthday, we stayed till late night and I slept at 4 plus, knowing that I hve to wake up at 7 yesterday to meet up with first group of friends in chinatown for breakfast.

Only slept for 2 hours plus, the dim sum was not that bad, just that it is abit expensive. We went to orchard for a walk after that and entered H&M without queuing, nothing special, nothing worth the wait to queue, I think people in Singapore now is crazy for that. First group of friends went for movie while Imeet my second group of friends, walk around again, accompany to eat again, oh damn. But since one of them is going london to study, it worth the meet. Went to meet the third group around evening time for another birthday celebration, eat again, at city square mall before we went to shake. Powerhouse was not that good yesterday, music wasn't that good, not many people, met gay, met someone needed an ambulance to fetch him out and etc. Didn't really enjoyed the club yesterday. Stayed till 3 plus before we left and slept at 5plus this morning and got to wake up 11 plus for some stuffs. This sat was mad, it is shagged. I will not go out with 3 different groups within a day again.

Oh ya, my advice to those who club- especially girls. Not every guys want to touch u when u dance, don't give that stupid kind of look whenever u got touched, u can just fuck off from that spot, btw, u look ugly, who will want to touch u..?

Anyway, this weekend was well spent. I realised some friends are just not worth to keep or to have, so fuck off man. I'm living better now.

is outspoken good?

2011-08-21T22:45:00.002+08:00

I guess the answer to the above title is not good. I've realised that I'm too outspoken to the bad side which make me at a disadvantage side, maybe I should be less outspoken in future to have the maximum effect. I realised that most singaporean can't take too much jokes, plus they do not like to be vocal about them not being able to take it, this make it real bad, I mean the "after-effect", I think that's sad. I don't mean sad for them, I mean sad for the future of those who are outspoken, they got to change in order to accomodate the whole world. Yes, you can just say be youself but this world is cruel, u cannot be yourself no matter what situations u are in, so let's stop lying to yourself man.

Been working for quite a while, gotten used to the working routine everyday, it seems that everyone is doing that, in order to earn a living, you have no other choices, continue to move on. Anyway, I wish to annouce something. I've put down alot of stuffs for the past weeks, I've finally realised the meaning of "not worth it". I do hope the "putting down" will not be just a "short while" feeling. I believe I can do even better but still glad that I can finally say "I can have the right to feel heppy now".

Since I've put down, I've set a few targets for myself to reach by the end of this year, I do hope I can get it. Don't ask, I will tell all of you at end of the year. Wait for my good news. Think should be all for today, will update as soon as possible, wait for my next post.

mind that do not belong to me

2011-07-31T21:45:00.002+08:00

It's been a while, am I still lying to myself? Am I still telling myself that I've forgot everything and move on?

At times, I've got the answers to all questions that have been surronding me, but it seems to stay there after the perios of "happy". I begin to doubt myself, doubt whether I'v forgot everything. No longer believe in what I said to myslef, it seems to be fake, so fake till I can't believe I'm myslef before 2005. I don't deny that I have learnt a lot of stuffs all these few years, but I have lost even more. If there is a chance, I want to be a computer, to delete the memory between 2005-2010.

What kind of friend am I to others? It seems to be very bad when I start reflecting, people may say "change" is the best way to mend a friendship. I tend to believe that and had done that, still, there are friends who left for all kind of different reasons, be it betrayal or see gf/bf more important than friends, they still left for what they think is in their best interests. It's made me thought about the meaning of "friendship". They seems to be of no meaning anymore in my eyes.

The only thing that I'm glad about recently is the person who is sad for someone who doesn't even deserved her love for so long got her love- the person who I hope can give her what she really deserved. I'm really glad for this friend of mine, all the best girl.

I knew from the start, the guy is important, we can see what he really mean to u as compared to the previous one, am glad to hear what you have said coz the kind sweet smile u gave was the best ever I've seen for the past 3 plus years. Never want history to repeat itself, so I will stand in his point of view, leave me alone as well, I don't want to stand in between the two of u again.

How far can one go? How far he can leave the place? How long it is?

It's July...

2011-07-10T22:53:00.002+08:00

It's July, ya, July, start for the second half of year 2011. Time passed really fast this time, I can't believe it at times but it's true. The most important question is still whether you had achieved or learned something for the first half of year, thank goodness I can say YESSSSSSS.

More and more used to working life, it's seems like I can't do without work life anymore-seems crazy? Erm, not really, I guess most working adults felt that too, just that some refused to accept that, some didn't know. Never mind, it's alright, I'm just satisfied with my work now and of course my goals remain the same in my mind, I'm a step nearer.=)

Had a buffet dinner last sat with rest at Sheraton Hotel. I can say the service is excellent, the atmosphere was so-so, the foods and the price sucks, or should I say, they do not match at all. I'm sorry to say, I don't think their variety and quality of foods is great or good at all, i will not go again. But through this, I've realised something, I came to know that one's opinion or tastes for different stuffs can be very different. How different? A SEA OF DIFFERENT. If you don't understand, never mind. Not happy? Whatever.

Anyway, got to thank my friends for the buffet even though I think the foods sucks. It's the sincerity that counts, not like those "copy and paste" comments in fb. I know that is an effort as well, but I guess I don't felt it on my friends, so, leave me out of this, I don't need that.

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T23:01:00.003+08:00

I should start with "Happy Father's Day to my dad", thanks for being such a lovely father for all of us and so many so many things. Happy Fathers' Day to all the father in this world as well, hope all dad in this world enjoyed today as the day going to come to an end soon.

Anyway, hasn't been a good week for my family and me. So many bad stuffs happened that it almost made everyone on the verge of breaking anytime. I know everyone got different opinions, different sets of thinking for all individual stuff we see but we do need to listen before we keep talking. Listen without speaking or the other way round will only make every things turn even more complicated. I just hope after this weekend, everything will go back to the usual way of our life.

Had spent the weekend at Hotel Michael in RWS, Sentosa. A celebration of Father's Day as well. With my aunt family joining, it makes the atmosphere even better. This is the first we stayed in a hotel in Singapore, the experiences was not that bad except that it turns out bored for me at times as sentosa only have limited stuffs to do. The hotel was huge, I guess it can easily hold up to 6-8 persons staying so I'm planning for another one with friends soon. I guess the thing that I do not like about the hotel room is the toliet with NO lock. Maybe most hotels in Singapore are like this but it is still not really that good if you do not stay in the rrom with your partner, tend to be embarrassing if another one get in without knowing there's someone inside.

Anyway, nothing much done there. Just some getaway from the city. See the pictures from my FB.

a long chillling session with long-lost friends

2011-06-12T02:08:00.002+08:00

I should say that they are long-lost friends or rather long lost working friends that haven't met for like 2 yrs, that's very long for me, for sure. The meet with them on friday was an great one, thought it would be like don't know what to say, but I was wrong, everyone was still as chatty as before, just that they are older now, haha. It's been a long time for me to have such a great friday, wasn't too bad for me, wanna have more in future, yes- I'm greedy- haha.

I was supposed to meet my another group of friends who haven't met each other for like more than 6 months, but was held up today by other stuffs, didn't manage to catch up with them, something I'm guilty, hope they had fun.

For me, nothing much happened around me that make me feel different or rather changed me? Didn't have that kind of "reflection" mindset that I had in the past for quite a while already, it's not that I'm perfect now but I can say I've thought of too many stuffs or reflected too many stuffs that causes alot of agony on me as well, so it is still best to be myself.

Sorry to say that I've a mindset of settling down now. YES, it is the "GET MARRIED" kind of settling down. WHY? I felt that I've had what I need and know what I really want, just need to look for someone who is suitable and settle down, FUNNY RIGHT? I also think so. Let's hope that is not just because I saw others happiness that make me wanna to have it too. That would be very bad.

But anyway, life goes on until something different that will come my way.

weeks of "unfilling" weekend...

2011-06-05T23:24:00.002+08:00

Another weekend going to end soon for me or rather everyone, it is work again tomorrow. It is another weekend that I felt something is missing. It has been like few weekends that I've been feeling like this but I can't come out with anything about that missing stuffs, what is that? Seriously, I don't know.

But of course I'm looking forward to another weekend that is the so-called "filling" for me though I don't even know what's that lacking. I wasn't unhappy nor happy at least for this moment. I realised the boring part of an outing from another person who do not wish to hurt another person's feeling just by saying out, thus sacrificing her time. The talk was good, thank you very much but still, I need to apologise for the time wasted, will try to improve the next time round.

Anyway, life are like this, whether you like it or not, you cannot just say or do anything without considering the feeling of another party, that's just life.

Don't understand? nvm, it's alright, just random thoughts.

Heard from the news that the flood around sg is quite bad, so who's going to do the job? Who is going to solve the problems this time round? Who can help all those poor shop owners?

what am i thinking?

2011-05-19T23:02:00.002+08:00

Been thinking of all kinds of stuffs these few days, mostly are stuffs that make me feel worse. You might think that I'm stupid enough to know that but not stopping it. There are too many things that you hope to stop, you can't, even if you think there is nothing in this world is impossible. Unable to stop the source from flowing in, having flu, sore throat and cough these few days make me even worse. I can't sleep at night at all, I can't find any source of happiness at all, the worse part is to find out the real problems between me and those people and I have to go to work tml.

I'm wondering if it was me in rhe past, I would have gotten a MC tml to rest but I didn't. I do hope tml I will be in a better state, either physically or mentally. Whatever I need is actually very simple, but I can't find it. I'm tired.

How many "I'm tired" can a person say in his life? I do really wonder.

what kind of love do I need?

2011-05-17T01:31:00.002+08:00

My mind is always of stuffs- stuffs that I don't even know how to get rid of it. Me-being the master of myself- don't even know how to get happy, what a joke I have become. Days passed just that, weeks gone without me aware, months left me alone and even years do not bring me along. What kind of love do I need now?

I do not know the answer, I've been seeking for it, to at least let me aware what kind is it, in the end, I've tried and tried and tried, all failed. Nothing seems to be getting me excited like I was in the past. Lost the direction of where I'm going to head. Who can help me? Who can lead me?

No one helped, no one is able to help. There were some helped but no one gained success, instead, it got even worse for me. In short, I'm NOT happy at all.

I missed the times.
I missed the hugs.
I missed the kisses.
I missed every single things.

I know it's time to move on and seek for the new love that I'm so late to find now. But heading anywhere seems wrong for me. I'm really sad to say, no one understand me. I'm sorry to say that I am the one who do not share it in the first place. I do not blame anyone, it is just that life becomes more and more of routine plus stagnant. Nothing more or less from it.

I'm tired.
I'm really tired.

a boring weekend

2011-05-15T01:48:00.002+08:00

Hi guys, I'm back to blogging again!! Ya, nothing really big deal about it. Have been working hard to earn more money for future life. It's tough but I know I can continue if the motivation don't leave me. It's busy but will try to update about my whenever possible, let's hope I won't be lazy to type out whenever I'm free.

This weekend is coming to an end soon, don't deny that it is one of the most boring one for months. Maybe this is the time for me to take a good rest from all the stuffs that has happened around me. GE is over, glad that it is over as well as I have been quite busy and tired from all the GE stuffs. Made a decision that I believe will not regret for years to come on this very first vote of mine. Anyway, it is over, let's not talk about it anymore.

I have been searching for that something in my life, sometimes I don't even know what it is, the whole thing is so weird, the kind of stuffs I want always appear not to be when I have it. What actually do I need? I do not know but will keep on searching to find out the answer. I have some inspiring stuffs to share with all of you before I end this boring post, hope u will think of this whenever u are feeling very low and tired.

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place... and I don´t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently, if you let it. You, me or nobody, is gonna hit as hard as life. But ain't about how hard you hit... It's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward... how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That´s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you worth, go out and get what you worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying: You ain´t what you wanna be because of him or her or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain´t you! You´re better than that!" (Rocky Balboa)

How much do u love one?

2011-04-11T23:11:00.002+08:00

I've never wrote anything to do about like/love someone else in the past, coz I think that should be something private, it can cause disturbance to the other party if u do write and she/her friends saw it. I do not wish to break this "tradition" of mine now of course, but just wanna to know whether "love" can be seen? What I mean is that if you like one, will it be obvious to others around you?

I know that this is not about I know or not, it is that very strange feeling that's been with me for the past few days. I don't know how to describe the feeling but then it was uneasy. Was talking to different friends about getting another relationship since I've been like single for the past 4 years plus. Some said was right, it's time for me to add some "colour" into my life again. But, it is always "life is easier by saying".

Anyway, got so many things in mind that I've need to settle now, do hope I can do it asap.

God Bless...

quiter or not?

2011-03-28T19:05:00.004+08:00

Was watching this show called "solitary" shown on ch5 every friday night. Heard from a friend that the show was shown in the past but did not get a good review/rating so they scrapped halfway through, as for why did they show again, i don't know but i think this show is really good. It test one's endurance, tolerance, determination, stamina and etc, physically and mentally. It just want to drain out the person to see whether he's/she's a quitter. I mean that's a really nice test on human beings to their limits. It made me reflected on those that i've quited easily because of whatever reasons, felt so ashamed man but luckily, i know it now.

Been spending too much recently, really need to tighten my purse strings this time round until the time when the money come rolling to me. Though i've spent quite a lot recently, ive realised that i've a more enriching life than those saving up time, maybe constant trips of town and elsewhere do make life more different. So overall, i'm still happy with the life now.

There are times when i'm so down till i don't wish to talk to anyone but i've realised if u are alone, u need to find something to do just to keep away all the stuffs that has been always bugging u. That's the only to help your own self. It's because Lord told me so. HE is the only who can give me the miracles i need.

I want add on something: though we had not been contacting each other forquite some times, i still hope to tell u that i'm still your friend no matter what. I treasured our friendship, i hope you do too after so many things had happened. Do hope u can see this and find me for a chat/ dinner or something, my friend.=)

it's all about support.

2011-03-12T11:14:00.002+08:00

It's been a disastrous week for Japan and China more than me(i thought). Only things we can do is pray for them and.. pray for them. Nothing much can we do for them except for praying, do hope the natural disaster will stop for them and give them more patience and strangth for the recovery.

For me, I'm hoping for a miracle. A miracle. I know Lord will help me if I believe in him and work hard for it. I know I the most positive energy to continue the run in my mind and body to continue so I do need my Father, my family and friends to help me in that. Really do apprecitae what have been given but I do need more support from all of them. Thank you.=)

what's over is really over..

2011-03-07T23:33:00.002+08:00

So many regrets, so many problems, so many stuffs that a person needs to worry or settle every single day, in the end, what do we really get? More and more stuffs coming our way with energy getting lesser and lesser. No one understand, neither do I. Maybe that is what life is about, isn't it?

So many things and decisions I've made is wrong, regretted. There are no solutions to all these as well, all of them will go down with you on the day of your burial. I've said not to make anymore msitakes like these, but I guess I'm just a small living thing that is living in this earth.

It's over, really over. It is all OVER.

effort+time doesn't mean results

2011-03-05T01:41:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone, it's been a while since I've been writing here, I will really try to write whenever I'm free and make this place alive again. had been busy with so many stuffs recently, haven't been able to really rest my mind to forget about everything and just rest. I guess that will never be with me anymore.

There's a lot of stuffs that I've put in so much effort and time in it, nothing comes out, absolutely nothing. I need their help, they didn't even asked, they didn't even offered help. I don't blame them at all cause it is something that I forked out the time and effort voluntarily even I've expected the worse before I started, it is just that I didn't expect it to be so bad.

To be honest, I felt like the kind of talk I used to have with my Lord seems to be missing, the kind of directions that i used to have from HIM seems not coming my way. What should I do, Lord?

CNY pre-season..

2011-01-30T18:45:00.003+08:00

Hi everyone. CNY is coming, I guess everyone is getting even more and more busier? or you are like some brat who think you love your family or friends but is actually not? lol. This CNYhas been one of my busier for the past few years as I'm doing all the cleaning in the house evey week since the start of january. But it's alright, it's great to do it anyway.

I've realised something with my friend, all of them agreed with me that this friend of mine is not someone who we can make friend with, in fact, theiir overall comments is that "he/she is a RUBBISH". Their comments are even worse than mine, lol. Anyway, who cares anymore? lol.

I guess a smooth life ahead of me is no longer an agenda for me anymore, I feel that if life is too smooth, the life is too bored for me, I need challenges to perk me up, I need it to "brush" me up as well. So, I will take it as it comes.

Oh ya, share with everyone:

Face your happiness with your most happy mood.

2011

2011-01-07T22:59:00.003+08:00

Hi everyone..nice to see everyone on my first post of the new year. Anyway, Happy New Year to you before i start all my grumbling.

Life's wasn't that awesome, but wasn't that bad as well. I guess that should be the life of a normal person, because it will then make one fight to make it awesome, isn't it? Don't understand, arr.. nvm..it's alright. Been facing a few tough decisions in my life, but bravely make the right choice i guess, we will see what happen then.

I started to learn a lot from this particular workplace, get to see friend's brother(too coincidence? it's true.), get to see a bunch of whining freaks like me.lol. I guess other than those group of people who are a nuisance to us, everything was going well for me, I begin to fall in love with the place but I've to take on a new challenge for my future, do really hope the new challenge will be a even better or rather awesome place for me to be at.

So many friends/relatives going or back or still in taiwan make me miss the place so much. I promise myself that I will be there for sure this year no matter who my company is. There are so many people in this world, I've met awesome, wonderful, fantastic people and even "fantastic" in their kind. Don't get it? It's alright cause nobody going to be worried about "it" anymore, the end for my tweet, the end for my blog as well, so that's it, all the best man.

Lastly, I've got to say that I really need to thank our Lovely Lord for the help HE has given me for the past years, even forgiving me for whatever wrong stuffs I've done. Not to forget that HE has given me an awesome family and awesome friends around me. THANK YOU..=)

bintan- a place not for me to be..

2010-12-08T15:35:00.002+08:00

Went to bintan last weekend with some army mates, not only because of the yearly trip with them but also to make myself to really relax myself from all the city life we are living. I guess the place is really not the place for me to be at all. Maybe I'm a kind that hope to have some place to shop in the midst of relaxing.

Unfortunately, there is nothing for me to shop there at all. Stuffs there are really designed for tourists to go, almost all the stuffs there are triple the price of Singapore. Other than the arcade, so-called "zoukout" and beaches, there is nothing there for me to do at all. Although this is not something i like, I enjoyed myself there because of the company and the incidents happened there as well. Anyway, it's time for us to be back to city life again.

Havn't been updating my blog that often like in the past anymore, because of many things of course. One of the reasons is that twitter became part of blogging system for me,so, if I never update here, look for me at twitter. At the same time, I won't abandon this place, remember to look out for my update whenever possible.

There are too many things that are being felt, there arn't a need to say it out anymore, remember whatever done, remember not to regret your decisions, for that, I will too remember...

Relaxed

2010-11-20T14:25:00.002+08:00

Life has been busy for me the past few weeks. Been busy with so many things till I'm too tired for my personal stuffs but everything has been fulfilling for me. With all the crap people leaving out of my sight, I've never felt so relieved ever since I've finished my army. But still, got to to thank those people for their "teaching" in life, showing me what kind of person one can be when they do change. Anyway, hope for best for you,. Advice for you: keep all the egoistic attitude of yours, else you will suffer in the future. (anyway, fuck it, you won't change, you deserved the end, haha...)

Enough of the "bullshit" person. Been busy with so many things, never get any time to rest at all, thank goodness that I'm going oversea soon to relac, I guess it will be fun this time round. So that's it for today, will update more the next time. Take care anyone(including you, haha).

two is better than ONE

2010-10-24T13:17:00.002+08:00

Life's been the same for me as usual, just watched jacelyn tay's wedding video. There's is a phrase which goes like this " Two is better than One only when Two are able to think as ONE". That's sounds so true but hard to do it, not impossible. Everyone, whether is it conscience or sub-conscience, are looking for a lifelong partner, isn't it? Whether it will come to a good end, it only depend on what's going to happen after that, isn't it?

There are so many reasons for a person to be sad, in fact, there are so many reasons for a person to be happy as well. There are so many stuffs that are done and regretted, remember it and don't do it, that's the best for most of us can do, isn't it?

But for me, there are some stuffs that I saw and I can't forget it at all. You may not mean it that way, but whatever that are wrote mean it that way. I can't understand what's been written cause I've tried to stand in your point of view and outsider as well, even thinking I'm too sensitive, but still, I think there isn't a need to write that at all.

Trip to Taiwan

2010-10-10T23:32:00.002+08:00

It's been some time since i've ord-ed, it's time to really get serious after the above-mentioned trip. The trip was really refreshing plus nice start to my civilian life which in turn created another problem for me now, that is, i've fall in love with Taiwan just like what ping's said. This is shit la.

As for the pictures being uploaded here, i think forget it la, i've wasted 4-5hours of my time yesterday just to upload the 200 plus photos into facebook. I guess i should forget about uploading here ba. If you want to take a look, go to my facebook and see then.

The culture there is totally different from Singapore(ok, which country don't). I should say they are reallllyyyyyyyyy patient in whatever they do and plus they really know how to present themselves whenever they are go out.

There are too many too many stuffs to say about Taiwan. Nothing can describe the feeling I had for Taiwan. Meet me up and i'll tell you what really happened..=)
The only thing i can say here is that, Taiwan- I'll be back soon...

plus...

Happy Birthday- Taiwan...

and

Happy National Day to the people of Taiwan...

16/09/08~~15/09/10

2010-09-15T00:05:00.003+08:00

The time is here. The time that all nsf looking forward is finally here for me. Waited till it pass 12am before I type out this post. Am I looking forward as well? Yes, I do. No, I don't too.

As for the reasons why, I've explained alot of times before, so I'm not going to say it again else I will bored my readers out hah. Going to get my pinky soon, going to go at a weird timing, I just don't want to see that person ever again in my life, let's hope I don't see him tomorrow.

September again. A month with so many babies and those babies are all my friends. I hate September, hahaha.

I want to write something to dedicate to all my superiors in army from BMT to SI to 4SAB:

BMT:
CPT Lim Beng Yau-- Nothing to say to u, u should die instead.
LTA Joseph Chua -- Nice having you as my first PC, though u are younger but u taught me
alot of stuffs, thanks..
LTA Hidaya -- Greatly appreciate you as my second PC, I can say you are really my motivator, thanks..
LTA Hedges Leo -- Thanks for becoming my third PC, the encouragement you gave will never be forgotten by me, thanks..

3SG Tan Wei Shun -- Thanks my first PS, though u ord only like one month I enlist, you are respected by me, thanks...
3SG Tan Wen Hao -- Thanks my second PS, though they keep saying your are incompetent, i guess they don't understand your pressure at that time, thanks for all the encouragement you gave especially during the field camp period..
3SG Jeremy Kng -- The kind of fun u gave during PT is great, made us don't feel tired and keep wanting more, thanks..
3SG Suhaimi -- The bear-bear face Sergeant, remember one of them said that of you, i must say thanks to u for all that you had done in field camp as well..
3SG Michael Yuen -- My section commander, the young man who said joining Singapore army just to experience the life in army instead of staying in Canada. Though I still think this is stupid, but for the help u gave me all the way from route to field camp digging the stupid hole, u are the person I should really thank the most, THANK YOU...

SI:
As there are too many lecturer around, I cannot list or remember so many of them, so there will be only 2 persons in this category.

1WO Ng Siow San -- Cute warrant, I should say. I guess everyone agreed. Thank You. Nice knowing you and staying in your platoon for 7 weeks. Continue to remember that I'm the first person in the batch to get MC..haha..
3SG Loy Wei Heng -- Only 2 words for this most special guy in my whole army life, that is FUCK YOU..

HQ4SAB:
CPT Kervin Ng -- I think other than wayang, you are quite nice la, thank you for your advice as well..
CPT Luo Peili -- I guess you know that we know you don't like us, it's ok but I want to say that not all people who did not go outfield are useless, in fact, at times, we do even more works than them, pls treat them with respect, especially now to both my understudy.

LTA Clayton Chong -- Lucky guy with both upper and understudy so near his serving period, but thanks for the help u gave, haha...
LTA Ronald Law -- Thanks for the company when we are all bored in the stupid place, going to 2012 liao, bear with it man, haha..
2LT David Loo -- Don't chiong too much, later like what i said in the past, become paralysed..=x..thanks for all the fun as well...
MSG Sze Chia How -- Though sometimes I don't agree with your decision but since you are CSM, then I cannot say anything la, but still must thank you for the stuffs your taught me.
MSG Liew Sing Fong -- Scary to everyone's eyes, but we know what you are trying to do, Thank you..
1SG Liu Ruiqiang -- U never teach me anything lei, haha..but anyway, thanks for all the talk cock session, offs and leave ah...haha...

SSG Noel Ng -- My first PC here in 4SAB, great guy, great personality, but guess at a wrong place ba, thanks for all your advice as well, you are so zai lo..haha..
1SG Godfrey Lim -- Fear and fierce were our impression of him but actually one of the person who do really know how to work, keep it up and thanks..

Too many nsf 3SGs in this category, continue to type, I guess I won't be sleeping tonight, anyway, for those who know I talking about them, u will know that I'm thanking you frome the bottom of my heart, Thanks.

Journey ending soon, hope the next chapter of my life will be better than now. Thanks for all the teaching and advice I'd received from you all.,

Time is ending soon..

2010-09-09T22:42:00.002+08:00

The time for this chapter is coming to an end soon in about 6 days time for me. Nothing really for me to be excited at all. 2 years of national service- made me gain alot, lost alot too. Thought the end would be very excited, but i'm wrong in this aspect, it is not at all.

I don't fear to start another new chapter of my life but nothing seems to be opening for me at all. I got no direction at all now. I don't even know where i am heading as well. I've enough of all those negative feelings but nothing or no one is able to take it away from me. I don't feel happy at all even when i'm joking, smiling, laughing and etc. It seem like I'm moving all this alone, no one do understand what I acrually want.

I'm feeling very tired, very very tired. How i wish i will shut down everything for a few days or even re-boot all the data in my mind and restart everything afresh just like a normal computer do. I know i've got to find a way to shut from it, i will find it...

"Packet" full of burdens..

2010-08-31T22:48:00.002+08:00

After today, I left with exactly 15 days to my pinky. Even though i have not returned to camp for a while already. But, I'm neither happy nor sad at all, not to say excited. Instead, I'm more bond to headaches nowadays. I was trying to solve these few problems myself, thinking i can be find the answers myself but...like those drama on tv, things always goes against your way.

Met up with one of my buddy, talked to him about it, he enlightened me with his thinking. I guess i do have too many stuffs in my mind that cause all the stress level to max out. I guess i've been worrying about too many things in life after the ns.

Stuffs like:
- can't get a job that I really want
- can't get the salary that i do desire
- can't pay back all the debts that i owed
- don't have the money to study next year
- family stuffs

and etc...

There are too many things in my mind that's been causing me to lose my sleep for days. I've realised another important stuffs, I've lost the kind of enjoyment I would like to have or been having before I've entered the army. People say, army do change people's mind- yes, they're right, but I'm in quite a lousy state now. I'm trying to revive my life, I guess I need more talks with friends to sort out more stuffs.

ORD doesn't really mean it's the best in one's life, I guess it is just another chapter being opened for a closing one. Stress tend to pile up especially on me, I'm just disappointed that there are people who i hoped can help did not even speak a single word of encouragement.

But, of course, I know everyone got their own problems. So I'm waiting. This time, I do want to know what is the definition of "soulmates", "buddies", "best friends" and "friends" in all of them.

Thank you.

Less than a month to Civilian~~

2010-08-19T22:46:00.002+08:00

Yes, it is officially less than a month to my civilian life again, with my long-awaited pink IC on his way to my place. The CCC course is going to finish soon, it is like "oh finally". And ya, today is my last working day, it is again like "oh finally". I'm only going back for some stupid clearance to be signed by some stubborn people who hold on to their principle or whatever it is and not sign for me earlier. How inflexible they can be? or should say, How inflexible they become after they entered this place? It is so inflexible till we can't even say out their organisation just to protect them, haha, whatever.

I don't want to care either, life isn't too bad at times for me recently. Hope that whatever have been arranged won't be cancelled at the very last minutes.

Let's see what happen then...

Unsettled~~

2010-08-10T15:59:00.002+08:00

The day is coming, my journey is going to end soon, going to start my new chapter of life, going to leave this stupid place with so many biased people- I should be feeling happy- but...I felt UNSETTLED.

My heart do felt kind of "heavy" when I thought of leaving the place where I've stayed for the past 1 and 1/2 years of my life. What's happening?

damn it.
how long will the feeling stay with me?

=(

Happy Birthday, Singapore...

2010-08-09T00:55:00.002+08:00

Firstly, i would to say...

Happy Birthday, Singapore...=)

Hope all my friends who will be there tonight will have their best performance of all they have done and show the whole world that they are the best, Jia You.

It's been awhile since the last post again. Surprisingly, I met with alot of sadness and obstacles as compared to the previous post, but in turn, i've realised many stuffs. I've really got to grown up in term of thinking, I just wouldn't understand why is it so hard to grow up? I don't understand alot of stuffs, so i guess the best way is to keep on learning from others, no matter who he/she is.

A very BIG thank YOU to all my friends who still remember my birthday this year(or maybe is because of facebook alert). YOU all are GREATLY APPRECIATED by me. THANK YOU AGAIN.

I want to take back whatever i have said in the last post, i will remember the great things that they have done for me. I know they just want my sister to have a good life, so to believe is better than don't believe and things happen. I'm sorry for all that being said and i will "eat" back all that i've said. I Love Them all.

Recently or rather these few months, many stuffs happened to friends around me, I do wish to help at times but there is nothing I can do to really help. I just hope to say that if things is gonna happen this way, I hope all parties will be happy with the decision made and not regret in the future.

May GOD bless all of us...=)

101 days

2010-07-10T08:39:00.003+08:00

Today is my grandmother's 101 days in sleep. Was thinking of writing this post yesterday, but was too tired to write after one whole day at the cemetery. I'm thinking if one's dead is not going to stop them from talking to their loved ones, i guess we would not be so sad, especially my grandfather, he seem the one who misses my grandma the most.

In fact, I still get see some idiotic people who show totally no respect to grandma(just like the time when they were attending grandma's wake). I know how to agrue with them if i'm given a chance but because of stupid tradition's rule, i'm not allowed. The world is becoming more and more different now as compared to the past, i guess i will not even keep in contact with them at all if i do really earn big bucks in future(even if i do not). It is "ugly" to say that, but that is life.

Today, my second sister is going to get married. I was thinking yesterday why they allowed me to wake up late. I got the answer today, i shall not comment too much here, I can only say the arrangement is because of their selfishness and supersitious-thinking. It will only make even more unhappy- not sad at all. If all of you think it is alright, then i'm going to tell everyone that "getting married" in future will be no-no stuff for me anymore, at least i do not give anymore hope and then disappointment.

i can say to you all===> THANK YOU hah! i will remember that...

Days going slower/faster

2010-07-05T14:03:00.002+08:00

Days has been untimately slower in camp as there are less friends in there which make me don't feel like returning back there at all, I don't understand why they are people who can put their years of life to the SAF by "signing on". Days passed faster when i'm outside, especially when i'm enjoying myself, but wait, "enjoying myself?". I don't think i've been enjoying at all.

Life's been quite motionless for me. I don't really have any direction to head for or any ambition or excitment about stuffs that is going to happen. What should i do? I don't know.

Really don't know.

Am I Stupid?

2010-07-02T19:22:00.002+08:00

It's been so long that i'm feeling this way, I'm talking about whether I'm a kind of person who are so stupid till people can used me? In this political world, I've wearing different masks to face different groups of people, which make me feeling so unhappy now.

"Happy" is like a distant "relative" from me, "he" is like already left me for so long without even have an idea to come back to see me at all. "He" left his "brother" unhappy to me, so it means wherever i go, "he" followed me.

Why?

I'm a human, a real human being living in this world. Do I really deserve the treatment that I'm getting now? I didn't do anything really that bad to deserve this few years of sufferings and is still continuing. I just want to lead my life back like in the past, can I?

Who do I understand me?
Who is the person?

Everything seem so fake to me, even myself. I just wish that when I eventually leave the army, everything will "go". But that is like what i said before i entered the army. Everything stayed the same, instead of getting better, it got worse.

a random post

2010-06-21T15:17:00.002+08:00

A very random post by me today, simply nothing to do, mind in a blank state as well. Let's talk about what i can think of. Camp become an empty state, with bunks mostly empty or with only about 20% of the strength in each bunk. Going back to camp seem damn boring for me as batches and batches of people who i usually have fun with were already gone. Plus, ndp causing almost everyone to stay out, so in simple, the camp is too empty till i do not even have any thoughts of going back at all. The time to the of my journey as a NSF seem still far away from me, really do not know how am i going to pass the time now.

World Cup is still ongoing now, hope to watch all the matches but unable to make me even more hate the life in there. The restriction from WC shown on free is totally ridiculous, i can only ask: " If there are countries(some of those are poorer than Singapore) who can show all of them free for their citizens, why can't we?

Anyway, money never leave all of us at all. Money become somewhat a big big factor for countries especially us. I think i should better stop saying all these else will be "shoot".

Another wedding coming my way, my second sister is getting married soon. Congrats her. Hope she did not pick a wrong choice. Got to make my way down to town area soon for some shopping trips for her present.

For me, my temper had been quite bad recently, maybe because of the late nights and some other stuffs that are coming up simultaneously. I've got to control it.

Grandma are not so fortunate to see my second sis to get married, i do really hope she can feel it wherever she is now.

44 days and 121 days..

2010-05-14T15:31:00.002+08:00

It's been 44 days since she left us, the pain did not subside because of the time passed, neither did i have forgotten the days she is still alive especially on the day where she lie on the bed and decide not to wake up anymore. I will never ever forget the day that she left us, a pain that hurt me so much. 44 days are gone, how is she? No one can really answer me.

For the past 44 days, everyone around me been doing so many things, whether is it my family, relatives or friends. There are so many people lost their family member around me within these 44 days, i don't know their feeling but i know my pain, let's hope everything will be fine in months to come.

I'm left 121 days(technically) of ns life to go, with so many of my friends ORD-ed and ORD-ing, the camp becomes more and more quiet for me. The usual late-night talk, gossips and etc become even more lesser. Maybe that is the point when we are splitting into a new environment and new friends being made. Wonderful moments are turning into something call "memories", maybe when we are old, we will meet again as we will be visiting each other funeral.

Anyway, i guess i finally know that i did not really waste my 2 years of life for nothing, for at least, the value of life and towards others, i know it. Shouldn't comment so much now as i'm not going to ORD anyway, take care-all my friends.

Beloved Grandma Funeral

2010-04-05T22:29:00.002+08:00

It all started from last Thursday-010410. A day that I will never forget in my life anymore. She's gone. My Beloved Grandma gave up on her fight to the illness after all the sufferings over the years. What she left behind is a husband(my grandpa) who fight back all the tears from the day she left till the funeral end, a brave guy who still can console me, my mum and etc when he saw us crying so badly. She also left behind all the love ones.

I just booked out last Thursday when i heard of this news from my mum who is crying over the phone, at that moment, there was nothing i can say in words to describe the feeling i'm having. The cab journey there becomes a long one for me. I saw someone without breathing lying on the bed with people crowded around her, she left without saying or seeing us. I fight back the tears but couldn't at all. She is the second Grandma died on a Thursday, she's closest to me, the tears dropped for her become the most ever in my life after my baby time's. I didn't touch her when she was lying there motionless, I am speechless, till now, I still refused to believe it is true. I don't want to feel her cold hands, I really don't want...

We chose to bury her and not cremate as this is her wish. Today is her first day under the ground, I'm thinking alot of things, I'm afraid of pests biting her body, I'm afraid of her being too dark underneath, I'm afraid of her being too cold or too hot in the coffin, I'm afraid of alot more...
Now, she just passed away, will she be alone? We are always there for her over the years, and now she's gone by herself, do she know her way? Grandma, sister told me that mum dream of you last night, can you come to my dream tonight? I miss u...

Another worry for me is my Grandpa, he is alone now, after 60years together with her, he is alone now. How is he going to occupy himself? I can see he is sad, but I really don't know what to say. People say: when someone died, the ones who really got the most sadness are those who are still living. I think it is really true. What to do now?

There are too many things that I do not wish to disclose here for stuffs that need to be condemn. Maybe I don't even have the rights to say them at all. Whatever it is, a guy who cry doesn't mean he is a weakling, ok.

Ah Ma, Take Care...
Please Bless Ah Gong and My Mummy(Your Daughter) especially for their health and everything....

Messy Life..

2010-03-14T12:21:00.003+08:00

Recently has been a mess for me, for what i mean is the mentality of mine. They seem to be at a lost of what to do whenever there is something troubled comes. For the last few weeks, i've been travelling from and to the hospital, my grandma is in a critical condition, and thats what worried me the most for the past few weeks, seeing her,my mum,aunt and etc cried everytime i visit her, it made everything feel worse. I tried hard to contain everything to myself and be the person who be the most brave consoling everyone, but, i'm human too, i do have feeling and emotion, i feel sad of course, thats the first mask that i had to wear on weekend.

Outside with friends, the mask to be wore is much worse coz if it not "wore" properly, everything would turn ugly. The ugly i'm referring to is not the simple kind but the complicated kind.

In front of her, the kind of wanting to say love tainted. The kind of determination u showing to "push" me away, the kind of attitude u showing to ignore me and the kind of acting ignorance show you are no longer the kind that you used to be. Being reject, is hard to take but an answer show how much you respect the love that the other party give you. To delay, make a person thought too much and fall "deeper" in the "hole". To think that it is not you that i like, it makes me feel that i'm becoming a failure as to express the kind of feeling to you.

Not contacting doesn't mean given up. Speak lesser and lesser when i meet you doesn't mean we got nothing to talk about but is doesn't know how to start as there are too much to say. When you say yes to a meet, do you realise how big the disappointment is when you cancel it at the very last minute?

Can i believe in everyting/everyone or trust anyone again?

Double Eve...

2010-02-13T11:42:00.003+08:00

Today is Chinese New Year and Valentine Day Eve, and tomorrow is the day that family and lover celebrate together and they coincided together. Both events will not be celebrated by me for different reasons, so i don't really feel anything at all for the festive season and season of love. But then, i don't really feel down at all coz its a long holidays.

Though i don't celebrate, i still tried to get some new clothes for the new year, in the end, i only found myself with one piece of shirt. I shall make use of the shirt then.

Camp has been normal, just a few addition of stupid rules to tie the NSF up but they don't realise something after so long, which make it so disappointing, they will only dampen the morale of them and anger them even more further. Though we can't do things much, but this make their life and ours worse too. They should really get to more groundwork and know more about us- NSF. Yesterday, went to a place where is so far from my home at the west, and yes, its west coast park. Somewhere to celebrate Chinese New Year with a run at such an early hour. Have to reach by 0715hrs in the morning, what make it worse is that the late-comers that day were informed of 3 extra weekend duties on that day. I can only feel sorry for those who are late, and i can say the run is crap, celebrating Chinese New Year there is crap, celebrating with the run is also crap and giving out such a harsh punishments to them is TOTALLY CRAP. So overall, nothing but CRAP for them.

Anyway, forget about that, its a New Year soon, hope to smile through the night and welcome the Tiger Year with a smile.

Alot of people got different thinking, recently, i found out that there is a certain someone i knew long ago is walking very closely with another GUY, he's a GUY too. So you will say, Gay only, what is the big fuss about? Nothing to fuss about, but just want to write it out, maybe some people may think they are just close friends but too many things make me do not think so anymore. That's a shock to know my friend whom i know for quite long to be that out of a sudden. Hope the Valentine Day tomorrow will be a good day for them. opps.=x

ok, talk about "you", in future, i will link u as "you". The kind of avoiding me from "you" is so obvious. In the past, i was thinking whether can we still be friends even if "you" don't like me, i told myself, it was very hard, and "you" seem alright with it. But then, i hope to be "your" friend only, but "you" shown the other way round. Though i can say i miss the rant "you" always do on me but the kind of avoiding me becomes a routine for "you". I guess we can meet up often even if we are just friends, i will not pester, i will not interfere, since "you" think that, i cannot change it and i don't want to change it as well, so take care then. Just want to ask something irreverent, did "you" went to chinatown this year, i didn't, i miss it. lol

What is really to be expected..??

2010-01-11T19:02:00.002+08:00

Celebrated teng 23rd birthday last saturday, hope he like the arrangement we made for him even though the process was like so stressful. A disappointment is that we can't find all 23 girls to really take the photos with him. I guess some guys are too protective or conservative in term of taking photo, i shall not say so much about them anymore as no matter what i tell them will not appear in front of them at all, so that it for the topic.

Went to alot of different places these few weeks, realised that actually Singapore can be a very pretty place if u really want to go and explore, and that depend on your company as well. There are loner, there are also people who like crowds but whatever it is, the company do matter as to where u will be going. I can only say, the kind of attitude that loner don't change, he/she will not find any happiness in their life at all, they always blame on others when something happen, whether is their fault or not, don't they know that finding out the solutions to the problem is better than just blaming the fault on the other party?

I guess he/she will never understand what i'm trying to say cause he/she is just trapped in his/her world for too long. Actually, if he/she could accept the help from another, they would not be like this kind of person anymore, isn't it?
Friends do have conflicts, they do quarrel and sometimes fight but it is good only when after that, both of them realised the fault that happen and reflect of course which may be a better option.

There are people who think he/she is so important that they can don't care about other people feeling. Even worse is that, refusing to admit the mistakes made and the words being said by him/her used on others appear to be he/she didn't really act upon it.

That is what i called a DISAPPOINTMENT.

I guess this is the time that i felt so disappointed with someone till i no longer have any energy to continue the things i want anymore. Nothing to be happy or unhappy about at all, for at least, whatever been said and done is a totally rubbish from him/her.
I won't ask for anyone to agree with me or what, cause different people got different opinions on every different things, maybe all these things prove that i have at least gained something and lost someone.

Happy New Year~~

2010-01-02T02:10:00.002+08:00

It's 2010, it's a new year, therefore, Happy New Year everyone. My long breaks going to end soon, it's time to get back to real business soon, bringing abit of each different feeling to 2010 and back to camp.

Shall say about my Genting Trip. It's not a very long trip but a trip that i've fulfilled all my objective before going and also had really fun time with my campmates, if u get to see the pictures we took, i guess u will know how much we did enjoy in this trip, i guess the bonding will be different as well. The pictures, video and laughter will always be in our memories.

It's a new year, everybody has/have resolutions for it, i guess i don't wish to list out even if i have it hah. Today, elva mum passed away, i heard it from my friend about it, i guess elva must be in agony now, to think that she just finished her concert last night, hope she will be strong and be alright, remember what i have wrote to u, elva. Take Care.

People do change, i guess that is known by everyone, they change in many ways, from good to bad, bad to good and even bad to worse. There is this friend of mine, from my opinion, got from bad to worse, i shall not say he or she, i will call him/her "it".
"it" has turned into someone so stranger to me or rather i had expected from. There are times "it" say things that are not supposed to but guess knowing whether in wrong or not, "it" will not admit it, if in wrong, "it" will insist "it" is not wrong. Cases shown "it" is living in "it" own world, i hope i can help, but i guess i'm unable to.

I do not condemn, I do not want to comment anymore, if situation got to be like this, let it be then.

Stuck

2009-12-27T12:38:00.003+08:00

Its been a week since my break started, just as expected, nothing really make me so excited till i can write a whole long paragraph of stuffs like before. I can only say whats been done only.

Movies are up, none been watched by me coz i got no company to watch the movie at all or should be i don't have anyone feel like watching the movie i fancy so never mind, i'm alright with it. Went orchard at Christmas eve to have the Christmas atmosphere there, maybe i should say "they" are crazy playing(spraying) around but i can see the christmas joy in everyone face. There are people who like this kinda of fun, there are people who are not. I don't mind to play if i have a bigger group next time and willing to play. We are young, but no longer soon, we can play now, but no longer soon, why is there still so many restriction?

Because of the principle or because of the "face". Whatever it is, it is all over, i'm in search of people who really dare to do, not something big but something that is so simple. There are always stuffs that we got angry, maybe only simple things we normally do, people got angry, then we don't do, is this out of concern or just plain jealousy? I don't know what to say, i don't how to comment coz if one have no confidence in himself/herself, everything the partner do will be under the restriction. Hence, i'm not sure whether he/she will be happy about it.

In this world, everyone is play-acting. Why do i say that? It is because everyone(in certain extent) will act to be more gentle, civilised and etc infront of others while he/she will not do it in the "dark". Maybe u may not agree with me, i don't deny u too coz it became a routine, a very normal routine for everyone in this world to do it, so u don't feel that it is of any big deal anymore.

People get weird feeling for different kinds of reason, me, myself got a weird feeling now as in I had a lot of questions for alot of different people. I want to know the answers for all this questions but i never get their answers at all. If you are kind enough, bad answers is still an answers, can you give it to me. I don't need to have an answers that only i'm satisfied, i need a truthful answers. But i didn't get it at all.

And for the first time here, i write: "I hate people who don't reply my messages."
This is very rude- that all i can say to u.

I can see who doesn't want to and who want to, maybe outsiders do see alot. The attitude do not changed after so long, it show one did not grow up at all after one has went through so much, thats kind of disappointing. I don't believe people saying "that's just me", i guess after something happen, more or less, one will change, but i've seen so many with a "NO". Disppointing for u.

Long Breaks...

2009-12-20T23:06:00.002+08:00

The much-awaited long break is here for me now, i've got about 2 weeks to spend outside the camp, which is about a year plus since i have this kinda of life. At first, i was kinda excited and planned lots of different things to do but in fact, the long break is not the kind that i've expected.

Maybe its been too long since i have this kinda of life, everything outside changed, no longer the kind that everyone is free after a morning lesson or simply not working at all during holidays. Suddenly, i realised that we are all ADULTS now.

We can no longer go back to the carefree life we had, laughter that is never-ending, stress-free from the money problems. We no longer depend on our parents, thus, it time for them to depend on us.

I guess by the time I'm out of the army life, greater reponsibilities will be lay on me, which mean the kind of life before i'm enlisted will be forever gone and not be back except the memories. I remember when i graduate last year, i did wrote about the times i had in poly, that is also the time that make me realise alot of stuffs and make alot of friends. I came from boys school, 11 years of boys school mean i didn't get to have lots of opposite sex friends, it is the time when i entered poly life that changed my life. Usual shy form infront of them, as i don't have the courage to talk to them, I don't deny I have never regretted to be in poly, not because of the opposite sex but because of their different angles of view that teaches me too much things. I guess they do make a big difference in my entire life with different kind of memories still stuck with me.

I guess the place that really make me into more independent should be the National Service. Life in army do have its ups and downs, i guess that is known to lots of guys, else there will not be so many elders saying NS is a training for boy to become a man. I've seen so many different people in different camps that i'm in, from so helpful guy with totally no anger at all to very selfish guy with very bad temper. I guess they all do a bit part in my life to become more independent, so they should all be thank upon.

I don't know i've changed into a guy who is more better or worse than before i'm enlisted, i only know that this path have really gave me a huge impact in my life even before i ORD. I've just read one of my campmates blog before i wrote this, he said the person he is before he enlist is the real person he should be in future. For me, i guess i need to be different from him coz the army do shape me into a guy who is not allow to be so simple to certain stuffs and people, i do not wish to be the kind of immature guy anymore.

Thanks my Friends....

Hope for the Best..

2009-12-05T13:19:00.002+08:00

Yes, this is the post that is long-awaited. Nothing change, nothing really need to change at all except the fact the i can finally write something back here after so many of them is gone. Ya, what i mean is those who read my blog in the past, I think i can start everything here again.

Many things happened for the past few months, happy and of course unhappy moments that we need to cope in our life. Everything comes and teach us a lesson to be even more smarter the next time round when we met with the same problems again, isn't it?

Whatever said, and done, it is still up to the certain someone to do the thinking. So what kind of person do i have changed into from the previous post?

Not really much but then the person facing the computer now is someone who do actually know what he really wants, so no matter whether it is a success or failure in things he do, he no longer got to feel unhappy or happy about, coz whether it is or not, the earth is still turning, at the times you are happy, there are still many who are feeling unhappy at that moment, so it is vice versa to the unhappy part. Learn to be more gracious but more straightforward towards certain stuffs.

Speak the ugly truth is always better than a naked lie. It is not hurting anymore for me but just a disappointment in general for everyone who is concern. Never ask stuffs that people don't wish to say, when its time, the stuffs will be said out.

Endless of Endless...

2009-09-25T22:14:00.002+08:00

The feeling of booking out today was not really good. Didn't really felt the excitement, and after a night of thought. This may be my last post for this blog. This blog has been with me through ups and downs since 2005, but guess because of a few things that make me come to this decision.

Army life make me felt that there isn't anything really much to write also, my friends slowly left their blog citing different kind of reasons and a few stuffs that i think there is no longer any point to continue here. The making of complains, venting of frustration, sharing of entertainment and etc here no longer make me felt the same way i used to have in the past.

Continue to say, continue to ask or continue to guess only make me felt even more tired of the life here and outside, i do really has no more energy for this kind of stuffs anymore.

What i can say is only to those who are still reading here now, thanks for the support for the past 4years or less, you all are the motivation that i want to continue till now but i only can say that "i've enough".

I hope that one day i will be back here writing again with my new motivation, new thoughts and etc.

THANK YOU =)
=(

Series of Events

2009-09-15T14:16:00.002+08:00

Been very busy with alot of things lately and illness coming to me recently, it made me had no time to update this blog, now finally, i can say something here. Alot of birthday celebration going on this few weekends and those coming up, also make me missed quite afew because of one another birthday celebrations but hope everyone enjoyed themselves whether or not i'm able to attend(like anyone will care, lol..)...

Happy Birthday!! All my September babies....

Last weekend was tedious for me, having to shift from one chalet to another, but at least i know i didn't make a wrong choice doing that. I can only say that the chalet in Sentosa aren't that great afterall, i will never ever go there again or introduce to anyone who wish to have a chalet. Staff attitude was bad too, not helpful is one thing, not willing to help when we(customer) need you is cannot be forgiven, I can only say that the chalet there is a total disappointment.

I was unable to enjoy the celebration on saturday as i was sick, that make it another disappointment for me, the compromise of alot stuffs make it not as perfect as i was thinking 2months ago, I shall not pin the blame on anyone except on the chalet management.

Anyway, after all these, i got to control. The aggressive side of me cannot be used on someone who don't even deserve to, you can continue to say, u can go on.

What Generation Already!!

2009-09-05T00:42:00.002+08:00

Its been quite a lousy week for me, as for the details, i will not say much here, just don't understand why that people are so hypocrite, smile and smile in front of you but then stab you like nobody business, and its so obvious but still there are people who don't believe the fact and defended him. Looks can be deceiving, beware. And to you, do you really think that you are very smart, if you are, no one would have known what you are trying to do, i'm alright that i don't have any conversation with you as long you do what you need to do and i done i am needed.

SCAM OFF MAN!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, ya. We are already in what generation already, there are still people thinking that this is guys ought to do and not girls, and that girls ought to do and not guys.
WOW!!!
That is really old for you if you really thought about this,anyway, for those who reading this, you ask yourself whether you have ever in your life now thought about this, don't be stupid!!!

You are allow to be lazy at times but not stupid always......
IDIOT....

Wow, you may say or didn't or whatever!!!(for those reading). It about opening up your mind to accept what is supposed to be there, don't alway follow the traditional ways.

Anyway,

DICKSON, HAPPY BIRTHDAY....

Sudden, Weird,

Whatever....

Funeral..

2009-08-24T15:51:00.000+08:00

I heard them cried. I saw them cried.

A sms from my brother last thursday morning shocked me, my grandmother passed away. This few days have been busying with the funeral, the first day, sometimes on other days and the last day(today), i saw and heard them cried for their mother, my grandmother.

I saw my dad cried today, it a scene that i have never really saw in my life, i guess no matter what had actually happened, she is still her mother, he cried, he is sad. The whole funeral, i'm the only one who didn't cried throughout, i could felt their sadness, i could felt their agony but still, i didn't drop a tear.

As to why, over the last few days of thinking, and to respect to my grandmother, i shall not comment anymore further this time. Maybe it is time for me to really reflect whether i am too agressive towards them.

Anyway, just hope my grandmother will take good care of herself in another world.

Cohesion

2009-08-15T16:37:00.000+08:00

Had csp cohesion yesterday, it was really fun in the pool. But this is the first and also the last for me in the conhesion with them. It just too bad that we didn't take any photos at all for the whole of yesterday, but nvm, i guess everyone had fun.

Only thing that spoil the mood is the service provided by the cafe cartel in IMM, it sucks totally. I don't wanna to comment here anymore and i guess many do not agree with me yesterday.

Was thinking of other things, was thinking of "What do i really want to do?"

nvm, to be continued...(i forgot what I want to say)

unsettled..

2009-08-07T22:49:00.001+08:00

Been feeling unsettled since about 3-4pm today, also don't know what has happened, just felt that there is something not done, something coming to me soon and there is something going to disrupt my mindset now....Having this kind of feeling really sucks, hope after i sleep, everything will be gone....

Anyway, get to know something which is on my mind for the past few days. This isn't something really new but stuffs that i felt i have finally get to it and is getting used to that. I believe my life will be much better after i get used to it.

In camp has always been the same for me for the past few months, just that there are stuffs that i see in others eyes is different from what i have expected but i have learned to get used to what they gave, i believe once i get used to it, all of them will be nothing to me anymore. To be able to continue to survive in this world, i guess i have to be like this, thanks for your advice man.

Yup, last week found out something that was so unexpected, i knew he had said something but didn't expect him to say it so early whereas i gave him so much trust, what i can say to u is that....

As a friend of me, YOU FAILED....
As a BEST friend of me, YOU SERIOUSLY FAILED....
As a living person in the world, YOU FAILED TOTALLY....

So, my conclusion for you, you don't deserve anybody trust AT ALL....and yes, i'm condemning you. Don't act in front of me and others in front of me anyway, coz you really DISGUST me....

YOU GOT NO INTEGRITY AT ALL!!!

Genting + Fever

2009-07-26T01:00:00.007+08:00

Actually was thinking of putting up the post much earlier, but i think there is some problem with the post so never post anything for the past week....yes, celebrated my birthday with my family in Genting and of course second Birthday cake before going down and the free ice cream from swensen(did i mentioned it before??ahh, whatever!!).

I think that because of the maintence of cable car, it made me feel that Genting has become nothing really fun to play with. Nothing really excite me up there, the feeling is no longer the same as in the past which will make me felt like going back there again. Didn't touch the outdoor and indoor theme park but i think i can say i really enjoyed the company of my whole family there.....ok, show some of the pictures taken there(not all of course!!).

Swensen gift.(lol)

Second Cake!!

Bye Singapore.

First few stuffs bought on trip there.

(Thanks mummy for holding.)

First stuff bought in Genting.
(Thanks mummy again.)

Hi to Genting.

KFC.
(Singapore don't have the bun anymore.)

Burger are so "BIG".

Shuttle van down to Mushroom

Garden to eat.

Big Mushroom.

The mist there.
(view with bare eyes is better.)

Big tea pot.

Marry, Marrybrown.

Marry, Marry, Marrybrown.

Merry-Go-Round(Small)

Merry-Go-Round(Big)

The Bill.

Last meal there.

My TV.

Goodbye Genting.

Oh ya, i'm back in Singapore on the sunday night, what got me not really happy about when i reached is that "no cab willing to stop".....we waited for about 30mins to an hour, all cabs doesn't want to stop even if they have no passenger on it....and in the end, took the train back home. It ok, we save the money, but don't ever let me hear another person defend the cab driver saying they are poor souls that earn so little, i believe they can shut up.

anyway, monday was an off day for me, but i got an high fever(39.1 degree), went to see a doctor, can't believe that i have to wait for about 4hours before i can consult the doctor. But nvm, cause he gave me 4 days mc automatically so i have nothing to say and friday is my so-called unit birthday, went to chervon and celebrate, so that mean i didn't return to camp for the whole week, it feel so good...lol....

yesterday and today, the urge to "catch" bear from the machine comes again, this time is not the sweet land but the small small toys, look below(wasted money again!!!):

Got from IMM(Yesterday)

Got from Marina Square(Today)

So that all for this post, going back to camp in another less than 24hours time, take care everyone...=)

Happy Birthday To Me.

2009-07-17T10:09:00.002+08:00

Yes, i'm at home that why i got access to Internet in the morning....just feel so good to be out of camp....i bet everyone also felt that too....cause not really many people like the idea of NS....anyway, going overseas tonight that why got a leave for today and left camp yesterday night....

Today is my birthday, ya, i want the free ice cream from swensens...for that, i will make sure i will go and collect it later...lol...anyway, still many thanks for everybody who forgot me even we didn't contact for so long....really appreciate it...=)

in fact, was freaking pissed off yesterday but i told myself that it not gonna be a problem anymore....

Happy Birthday everyone....

Indifferent Month...

2009-07-12T16:24:00.007+08:00

The month was filled with so many indifferent stuffs, though now is not even the mid of the month, it just different, i shall start with the first part of the month, i lost a friend, lost someone who is should be there, someone who knows me, the someone i know, but sad to say, i lost.....that was not the worst part, at this point in time, i got even more bad news that attacked me like nothing....but it ok, i can say, that the loss of appreciation....

**it ok if u think what i wrote above is crap.

Went to orchard central last week i think, it big, it is really big with....not many shops around, but i think it is because its new, will visit again especially because of their....TOILET....
Love the outline and design it had...look below:

Normal cubicle with child-seat beside(good for adult with kids)

All stand below mirror and above basin.

Automatic dispenser

Was especially busy with friends giving me celebration for my Birthday next week this book out. Different gang of friends gave their all, appreciate it alot, even those in other country gave their blessing....

ALL OF YOU ALL ARE BEING APPRECIATED, THANK YOU!!!

Let some of pictures speak the words i wish to write:

What a Spread.

Another bear i got from sweet land.
(or rather elephant)

OMG.

Actually in the past, i hope for present from friends during birthday, but now, i rather not, cause whether a person is sincere enough to appreciate u, it can be seen, no amount of presents or how expensive a present is can represent the time spent every week, presents make me shy from facing another so the time spent together will be the best.

Disappointment don't stay with me just for another....

Anyway,

THANKS ALL.

busy busy week...

2009-07-05T15:49:00.003+08:00

the whole week in camp was filled alot of stuffs..so busy that i didn't have the time for a toliet break...but nvm, this week is over, another week is coming soon....

went to newly-opened orchard central, though all the shops didn't really opened, the scenary on top of it is really manificent....so beautiful(at least in y own opinion), i believe it will be much better than iluma @bugis....1 things needed to note, the marina square food court, i found worm in there while eating...i believe its dead but still totally disgusted with it and i believe i will never step into that place ever again....

and oh ya, i got an bear from the sweet land @ suntec for about 12 bucks....the lowest i ever got from that machine, usually cost me about 40 bucks and above....my friend got a pooh for 1 bucks...lol...that is so lucky....

people are changing, politics are everywhere, once you are the weaker ones, u are eliminated or "arrowed"....shall not comment so much here as this is an open blog....too many people have the chance to know this address.....

changes can be scary....
ignorance are too....
but human are the most.....

the fallen of a legend...

2009-06-28T16:52:00.002+08:00

actually was thinking of writing something else happened in camp this week for this post, but a new that shock me as well as the rest of the world made me wanting to focus more on the real legend, the real idol, the real KING.....

for what he has done in his career, what he has done in private and all kinds of scandal....we should remember him for the stuffs he has really done for the world....he shown the world, the kids in the "third world" countries with his so "powerful" songs....he show the world what is pop music, he show the world how much he do really love his own family.....

but...

what he got are all the media pressure on him, something so great that a normal person should have already fall but still he last that long until such an unexpected stuff fall on him.....all accusations, all criticism and everything bad about him just keep appearing on papers, net and most importantly: anti-MJ supporters....nobody do think about the good things that he has done for the world- the children, legacy of pop and etc...it is really a shame that he didn't manage to even start a show from the fifty, i think that should be one of the greatest regret for most and i bet, him too.....

life become so fragile for so many, just like MJ, just so sudden, one news from my friend, and next moment, when it is confirmed, he is really gone.....and there is a very sad part about human, is that they only care about the person only after they are gone.....

it is the end of another greatest king......
the end of a legacy....

Michael Jackson.....

choices and decision...

2009-06-21T00:08:00.002+08:00

Today went to have dinner with family at bedok area and i saw this:

i saw this bike in a random carpark, it is like so different, i mean different as in extra-ordinary to be appeared at there.....dinner at "house of sea****"- food was average, waiting time is long, service attitude was bad, place were dirty too....conclusion is i will never enter that place anymore.

Watched a show showing the nature of life....they showed all kinds of animals in Philippines, i find life really amazing, isn't it..?? there lives all kind of creatures(including humans) living around the world....it is so amazing that they do move around with special stuffs on them that make it even more amazing for us, human to look at.....for example: fireflies.....in the middle of the night, where nothing, including lamp light, only under the moonlight, it shows thousand of little lights blinking away....isn't it amazing to see this if u were to born in a country where nature is just beside u.....i believe the people there will be much more simple-minded.

Then i watched another show talking about how important a father is.....it show the kind of appreciation u don't notice or do whenever u are frustrated or irritated with what your father has done for u(or even your family)....is human so forgetful..?? or is it just that they are so proud that they doesn't want to show it...?? anyway, in one's life, there are always choices for u....try to make decision that will be for your own's and others good.

The show make me realise something.

Be less aggressive.=)

buffet buffet...

2009-06-07T12:12:00.005+08:00

holidays ending, back to torturous days soon again...just hope days pass faster, then the years will seem shorter for me....going to say "bye" to freedom once again....

yesterday went for a dinner of buffet at a hotel, overall, the foods taste great, variety and quantity is large too, just that there are no beverages for us, just water unless u willing to pay extra for the drinks or soups for u(as there are a lot kinds of different soups as well)...they done well in decorating the food that is going to serve to us, service is fast with no feeling of people looking at u eating at all times(that is what i really want), good atmosphere....

as people said before, a picture speak a thousand words, i shall present to u 10 over thousands words below...:

actually there are even more foods, just that i didn't get to take it. Do u know what is the small small cups with a leaf-like stuff on top of it..??

That is DURIAN...lol

Saw a wedding ceremony while having the buffet, the things i got after that is, how much u appreciate something, u must show it, else that is totally nothing, and that is for all guys and girls advise...people can see...

a trip with unique things...

2009-05-31T18:47:00.003+08:00

yesterday went to orchard for the GSS sale, but still did get anything, nothing really caught my eyes or even with the discount, the price still look too much for me to get....but still, i am going another place to look around first....

was walking around, which i saw this:

they were giving away bottles and bottles of coke zero....coke giving away free drinks to those walking on the street, and at another moment, everyone u see is holding on the bottle....maybe is because they doing it at orchard, i didn't see any "yao gui"(greedy) people taking more than one, or is just i didn't see it....haha, whatever.....

then i saw some people holding a board and seem like they protesting or what....shouting here and there....weird, i didn't went there to find out what is actually what happen, just took a picture and went off....i think is an ad or what, anyway, there are more happening there, just didn't have the chance to take any more pictures as i am very lazy...haha...anyway, that is a big difference for orchard "now" and "10 years ago".

Then went to fish & co...don't ever order this:

i can barely finish it without the help of tatar sauce, the fishy smell was so strong that it can kill an killer whale...lol...anyway, this will be the first and also the last time....

next, i saw this:

pink car with barbie dolls all over it in taka...when i saw it, i was like "waa, what they trying to do". I think they are giving out this car or something, it is so pink, who will dare to drive and then park at anywhere in Singapore....

anyway, trip was wasted cause i really didn't get anything i wanted, but i will make the next trip soon....

i can only say "whatever" to some people....don't understand then forget it...

new friends...

2009-05-29T21:53:00.004+08:00

i have been outside for most of the weekdays this week(out having my much-wanted fun)....went to iluma, realise that there was nothing really much even though it is very big, i think the shops there have not fully move in, so will visit another time....but took a few shots of the place where they sell yogurts...i feel the lamp really bring out the shop....

we are in GSS period now...initially wanted to really shop for whatever i wanted but somehow forgot all about it....going for another trip another time, not going to miss this "shop to save" period....watched "uninvited" on the same day, at first, thought it is a horror movie but in the end, i have watched yet another "crazy people" movie...why do i say that?? Because the show is all about a girl who think too much, thinking others is a murderer without realising that she is the one, the content also not really alot(at least from my point of view)...maybe expect too much from it....

anyway, went for cohesion on thursday at changi....all i can say is that all stuffs turn out to be fine for me only because of the new friends i made for the past few months were there too...i can see trust in certain people, and not from certain people....there are so many politics in there...everyone can feel it, none really talk openly about it.....it seem everybody are together, but in fact, there are not. But then i am still thankful for the trust that some gave, i believe only this kind of trust to each other will make everyone continue to be friend....and u know something, i got a new friend is my primary one classmate....should i say he is my new or old friend then...?? haha...whatever....

smiling futures...

2009-05-26T15:10:00.002+08:00

ok, lots of people wrote about the yesterday outing, i shall not follow suit cause it is like i don't wish to bombard here with lots of photos....i can only say this is a day(weekday) that we can have really have much fun and relaxing ever since i enlisted....do u all realise that i have been keep saying about "ever since i have been enlisted"??

yes...i shall say, ever since i enlisted into the army, all kind of freedom and stuffs i wanted to do has been put to a stop....i really don't understand the meaning of army at times....but anyway, 2 years of my life must be given no matter what, so get on with it....

there are people saying:

"there are no ugly people, only lazy people."
"there are no ugly people, only poor people."

yesterday, i heard....

"there are no poor people, cause even if u are poor financially, u are rich in your knowledge. "

it stunned me, it really. Cause i realise i forgot alot of stuffs that were once instilled into me when i was young...i shouldn't forget it....

take the future with a smile...then the future will never appear distant for u anymore....=)

home sweet home...

2009-05-25T10:51:00.003+08:00

finally back home on friday after 2 weeks in camp without having the chance to go home....was abit lazy and busy before this post finally appear here...was having some events in camp(cannot say what else will be in trouble)...anyway, thank goodness everyone is fine and back home too....and now, it is really rest and relaxing time for me, i will only book in on the 7th of june which mean to say i have 2 full weeks of rest....lol...the longest ever i had since i enlisted last sep...will enjoy fully....

take a look at the picture below:

do you know the above place..??

yes, u are right(or wrong, whatever!!)....i'm on "escape" adventure last sat....was in rides that i have never in my life sat before(with someone who is so daring for it, can't believe that she don't have shaky leg after that). Anyway, i am not fancy of people paying to scare themselves...haha...but, it is still a nice experience and also nice to play once in a long while....lol....ok, the picture was taken before i was going to leave that place, saw this bunch of kids remind me of the time i had in another place with my family when i was young....sigh....anyway, look to the future with smiles and keep the memories at the back of your mind...=)

then, watched "night at the museum 2"...it was what i expected, it is a nice show....really impress with all the stuffs that they do in the show which i think, "there must be some difficulties in it"...anyway, i got to write this as well.....so annoyed with it, why there are alway people so inconsiderate....after i stare at the person behind us, the guy still continue to kick the seat while the movie was ongoing....it is so irritating, do he like it if others do likewise??

that the problem with most people, alway so inconsiderate to others....alway never care about others comfort.....especially that guy behind us....spoil the mood in the theatre....

Grade "Good" for the movie...
Grade "Bad" for the guy....

indifferent experience...

2009-05-17T11:47:00.002+08:00

it been a long time since my BMT i have this indifferent experience....i can only say this time round, i really bored by it....just wish this coming week will pass faster.....

i think i will update it later, too dangerous now..haha....=x

strange or weird

2009-05-10T19:04:00.002+08:00

different people have different kind of feeling and opinions towards different kind of stuffs, i having this kinda of strange feeling towards this thingy, but people thought of me as weird....it is just that they don't understand what i am really hope to say, it is not weird....!!!

anyway, going back to camp soon....been thinking of some stuffs that i have been having the doubts on it, it seem hard to believe at times when it happened, it is so strange that everything don't come out of it at all....i have been saying and thinking of not having doubts on other things but it made me no choice but doubts flying all over my mind....

communications is between 2 parties, if one doesn't felt interested anymore, it would be very obvious to another party who show no interest in the topic at all, hence, communications would not be continued at all.....

people said:" tat wee/kobe....u think too much, u make all stuffs around u look too complicated for u...."
actually i'm not at all, nvm, it hard to really understand what i'm trying to say.....and i know at this moment, people will think i'm crazy and weird....nvm, it ok.....this is your opinion, isn't it...??

why am i thinking about all this stuffs, sure there are things happened, else all these would not be here at all, isn't it...??there is old phrase saying " its late better than never"....but the phrase just would not get into most people mind....it is alway "never" that really comes....is it "selfish" that should come into the picture...i think so...

oh ya, all mankind are selfish...it is just that how selfish u are....the limit u can take....anyway, i'm saying certain things in a big rounds, know it, congrats....don't understand, close the window then.....

time stop for no one....it make it so precious that u shouldn't waste it....

do you deserve it...??

2009-04-30T22:21:00.002+08:00

it is time for me to share something now...or just typing something what is on my mind now...so i should start with what i have written on the title....

"Do you deserve it..??"

alot of things in this world comes for free, alot don't....there are stuffs that is priceless, there are some that is deem as worthless....so what am i trying to say..?? ok nvm, don't leave the question too far away, people alway ask for something without even willing to give up stuffs to get it while there are people willing to give up but nothing is there for them....u may find it weird...why? why u must ask for a return..??

please go and think.....in this world, actually almost everything including human will have/want to have returns....for example: u work for the salary, u volunteer to help hoping those being helped to be happy with u having the satisfaction and etc....so if u ask me that question, please think it through your mind whether u are belong to this category of people.....

in fact, do you deserve all the respect and things done and etc should be the question being ask by your ownself....what u have done to deserve all that....??? if you have the answer of "nothing", please put yourself in other people shoes and look at their view, they aren't having a great time for having the returns....

recently have been writing on a book about stuffs that is going on on my head at that moment, wrote alot, when i read back today, i find that rude people should be condemn as well....as in what kind of rude, what kind of rude people we have in this world?? there are alot kind of rude definition, i should say all must be condemn.....all human are equal, why must one be rude or unkind to another when u don't have a strong valid reason....it will be hurting....cause in this world, the most lethel weapons are not rifle, bomb or arrow but then is words that been speak out by the human.....it can bring you up to the sky and also can bring u all the way down to hell....

and i should say, yes....i am trying to say.....

YOU ARE RUDE.....

just my 2cent worth....

don't matter....

2009-04-03T23:39:00.003+08:00

another friend down from ns....now he is on mc...bet he gonna out of ns when he is back...lost another friend who can really talk to me when i am inside....

this time i was thinking....whether it is there or not, they are there or not....

"does it matter..."

no more.....

me no longer matter as well...i don't think so as well...

"yes, it true now...."

believe it....

anyway, it will be a while for next post...see when it is...thanks....

unlucky and lucky day i have....

2009-03-29T00:39:00.002+08:00

contradicting hah...but it true for me today...just thank God that no one was hurt in the process or else all stuffs dont end so early for me today....

today, first time ever in my life, i saw a hp dropped from third storey to the hard ground, LCD crack and everything spoil....dont know whether it can be repaired, i only know i wish not to happen to me the second times again.....

remember...there is always something happened for some reasons....bad luck u feel, actually at the other side, good luck to u.....at least in this incident, i see no one was hurt...at least i was lucky.....maybe that is the best consolation for me....=)

back on thursday again...

2009-03-27T12:51:00.002+08:00

book out yesterday again....because of some reason, i have to book out yesterday and be back to camp this sunday again....actually was thinking of not writing anything here but feel like writing so i am here.....

whole week was the same....nothing really special at all...i was thinking about the alternative....and i know what i am heading.....no regret to it for sure.....

ehh....suddenly forget what i want to say....will continue later if remember...=)

total reflection...

2009-03-22T17:54:00.002+08:00

later going to book in soon...."it" still there, i believe i can see more people don't believe what i said but i know as long i didn't lie and clear to my conscience is already enough....

it time for me to total reflect on my ownself for the past months for what i have done, what i have said and how i have reacted....i gonna stop for the first time since these few years to stop learning, cause i realise if one learn too much, it is not a good thing afterall.....i believe i've had enough.....those stuffs that still havn't understand shall be put aside for the time being as it is not as urgent as what i have thought as well.....maybe it will be disappearing after a while....

i want to start a new me from tml onwards, it may not be successful, it may look the same but i know where i am heading, so i have no worry about anything.....it is really time for me to really understand how to treat myself the best......

ok lastly, i give some phases to some of u....hope u all will understand what does it really mean and treat them better....

A friend is someone who believe in me before i've had the chance to prove that i deserve the trust...
A friend is someone who love me after seeing my worst....
A friend is someone who believe the best of me even he/she ma have the reason not to....
A friend is someone who appluads me when no one else bother to compliment me....
A friend is someone who encourage me to dream the impossible dream...
A friend is someone who keeps telling me, "You can do it! You are great!"
A friend is someone who who is quick to forgive me and affirm me after i have stumbled, erred, missed the mark, and sinned....
A friend is someone who is honest enough to tell me the truth when others yield to false flattery...
A friend is someone who i can trust with my deepest secret....

not many understand....not many know...
many are diappointed....many are disappointment.....

...................................

thursday...

2009-03-20T00:08:00.002+08:00

today book out....the feeling is great...reason is just because i took an off day tml, that why i book out...haha....continue my rest, the pain did not go away, it stay the same...i think it cannot get any more worse...so have to control myself and also bear with it....

nothing really much happen these few days....just stuffs that i need to learn...and i have learnt...anyway, it past 12am...Happy Birthday, Tina....haha...

never doubt anyone who u believe....
same thing:
trust anyone who u believe....

irritating pain with doubts flying everywhere..

2009-03-15T19:54:00.004+08:00

to be honest, my pain is still there....painkillers and muscle relax pills look useless to me now....and it is getting worse since it happened....just got a mc to stay at home to really rest myself after the whole week of guard duty....with everything on including the rifle, really makes me felt unbearable....but all i can do is still endure the pain.....

i find it weird...is it really because there are too many people out that really "chao keng"....or else why i can see from different people eyes that i am one of them too....including the doctor that i have just seen too...everybody have doubts on one another, don't believe each other, there is really nothing i can really comment on it anymore....i am really in pain but all i can see is doubts....

i don't understand why people can't "push away" the doubts they have on another and start to trust a little bit more on others.....i don't see it happen only on myself, cause i really seen lots of cases on it too....i have doubts on people too, but i told myself that if from the first day, i want to trust this person, i shouldn't have any doubts on them.....maybe different people really have different thinking as what i have thought might not be your opinion.....

i'm sure there are things that everyone worried about, things that people stress about and even things that are unpleasant happened....isn't telling another person will release some burden on them, even if it can't be helped, i'm sure it does help release some burden that weigh heavily on u.....have more trust in that someone u going to tell, if u really believe in them, they can sense it and help u if really can be done.....

*who shall the someone i need, i need some answers.....
someone.....

everything stay the same...

2009-03-08T18:24:00.002+08:00

it been few days....everything stay the same...no one changes, nothing changes and even the pain did not get away....it frustrating at times, it become like i begging for people sympathy....i don't like it, i don't like the feeling....

there is alway frustration, anger and irritation that cause people to lose their mind....all these alway control one's mind whenever they met a situation/problem....but can all these be prevented onto another...the answer is "yes"....but depend on the person whether he/she want to or not....don't you feel that u don't like this person because of certain stuffs or pressure the person been giving u for years is very tiring....maybe ignore the existence may help a little but i can only say this is a kind of avoiding the problem.....

u never know that in order to be free....u first must let youself to be free....

indifferent week for me....

2009-03-06T23:30:00.003+08:00

the week is not end yet but wanting to write this post cause of no reason.....i was at home already yesterday night....because of something happened yesterday at training, i was landed in NUH for the first time in my life....all the injections, drips needles, x-ray and all kind of testing check were done on me within the short 4hrs.....what should i say now....i don't know also cause all came to me very suddenly....i have no time to react to it, just thank goodness that i need not have to stay in there....

though it is different, but i believe life still goes on....pain is part and parcel of life, isn't it....this lesson tells me that who really care and concern me more when they knew of it....i don't want to list it out, as long i know, it is good enough already....

there are times i felt that people alway take for granted for alot of stuffs....people will say "who knows..."...ya, what you say may be right, who knows about it....but don't u know if the stuffs is being repeated, your "who knows" will become "obviously everyone will know", and of course that includes me....the kind of response was not really wat i expected, maybe i have to get used to it or view it in another way to really accept it, though its hard, but i believe can be done...

human imperfection was not cause by one or two things, they were cause by centuries of selfishness, no sense of appreciation and alot of evil stuffs done to harm another...no one can change the fact, i believe u too cannot....we only compromise and still compromise the stuffs...i don't understand....really don't understand....

tired,
i'm tired of these......

Sister Wedding Recap...

2009-03-01T13:29:00.008+08:00

i still remember that last time i said in the post that i would post some of my sister wedding pics online here to let everyone take a look right....i hasn't forget yet, it is just that been quite busy, no time to really go and take the pics....now i shall show u all some of the pics, there are too many pics, so won't be showing all of it, just some of the whole lots about what really happened the whole of that day:

ok, still, congrats to my sister and brother-in-law.....hope they will be happily and still happily...haha....

i finally finished the book that i have been reading for the past 1 year plus.....decided to read all over it again unless i can find even better ones....towards the end of the book, i learned even more stuffs sia....it made me reflect about what i have been doing for the past few years or rather these 2 years....some points that i will always remember is that "if you really want other people to respect u, not only u should respect them, there are times that u should make some sacrifices to earn that respect...."

i do guilty on the way i treated some of my friends, don't really know we will be friends ever again in future but i know the past is past, whatever u have done is not gonna be erased even if u know the mistakes u have done, the only way is that u have to not to repeat the same mistakes on you future friends, treat them like u don't do in the past....

i have also learned that no one in this world is born to be useless at all....no one is to be called useless or even uglier words on them....cause i realise that everyone who are born on this world is being brought down here by GOD for a reason....they have their own talents that either been overshadowed by another or have not been found out yet....so please give everyone the respect they needed...i know that there are times for jokes, and of course that is for the fun, as long it is not over limited....jokes are supposed be there it supposed to be....

so try to look at another view of your "hated" figure....u may find that all will be different from what u really thought of....try it! u will understand what i'm trying to say.....to take everything easy is not to tell u not to care about anything but is to tell u that if u take everything too hard, u will not be happy most of the time as life is alway not so smooth for everyone....there will sure be really tough times for u, to take it easy, it make u less painful....=)

tired day....

2009-02-22T01:38:00.003+08:00

it weekend again...after a busy and tiring week in camp for the past 5days....there will be more to come this coming weekend...but i know, it best not to think too much....oh ya, got my sister wedding photos liao, as i have promised, i will put up some here but not this post of course, it late now, the next post ba.....

went out the whole of today, then met parents to eat at pasir ris before heading home.....this whole week, all sort of stuffs brush through me...for example, injuries on my hand and leg....and of course there are more....ive been thinking, after i have read some stuffs and the phrase say "in order to get anything, you should give it away first"....it represent alot of things, isn't it....or should say it apply to alot of stuffs in our precious life.....

i saw a group of people squatting along the roadside doing nothing at pasir ris....it made me think alot....why and what are they really doing there....

waiting for people...
finding target to find trouble....
or just idling around there...

yes...there are alway alot of answers to a question.....no one will know the answer unless u went to find out from the person....that pop up questions and questions around my head.....un-appreciative people are surely exist in this world, there is no way they will change to become more appreciative cause i know the most "down" moment havn't really reach them....

actually, whether or not....i am willing to be another kind of person who will not be so mindful of all these stuffs cause i know these stuffs are really troubling me alot....i never understand and will never understand(i know!!!)....i hope i'm really not someone to be taken for granted, when i really do try very hard to be a person who is appreciative to all people around me.....

understand what am i saying....????

so long....

2009-02-15T02:12:00.002+08:00

it been 2 weeks plus since i last updated...ive not been busy, just don't wish to write....so now i shall update some of what i am doing recently....

i'm in new unit already...life there was not bad, was not that good too(as life in army is still nobody really love so much).....anyway, just wish to faster to get over and done with....

watched bride war and love matter....bride war was really really nice....i can't imagine if what have been shown do happen to any of my friends, it would be very interesting.....i can really recommend those who have no idea what to watch to watch it....as for love matter, i can only say it is a movie that i cannot really accept the story....in my opinion, don't really like the show at all....there may be others who like it, maybe different people got different opinions ba...

went to zoo as well....saw alot of animals, finally i got to go zoo....have asked alot of people in the past few years to go with me, but all i got is just empty promises....saw alot of animals, even saw the white tiger who recently is so "popular" in Singapore....went to eat hotpot as well...still like the fondue(free-flow) the most....

people say a picture speak a thousand words.....
then do we have a thousand of words to speak every moment...???

Happy Chinese New(Niu) Year...

2009-01-26T15:42:00.003+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year...everyone....today is the first day, i believe is also the day where everyone will be the most happy on the Chinese New Year ba, no matter for every different individual reason.....

i'm here to post as i have finish the morning "bai nian"......i'm sure still, the morning "bai nian" is still the best time for my whole family to really gather together and talk,laugh and etc.....except that this time round, my eldest sister never appear at my ah ma house....also don't know why never appear and i never ask as well....still, i'm glad that she is still living in happiness....maybe u may think this is still the start of marriage but i can only can say, as long you know how to appreciate a day of happiness, there will be even more "a day" for you always.......

family problems are still my main concern point....it been years since i last visit my dad mother house....because of alot of conflict and problems in my younger days, we have totally lost contact until my sister wedding recently....just went to her house, it was kinda of weird....the talk will alway pause for a while and silent filled the room whenever a topic is finished.....maybe we really lost contact for too long, there is nothing really much to talk about anyway.....

5days of holidays really going to end soon, and tml will be back in camp at night....there is nothing really much i wish for, just hope the road for me will be much smoother when i walk it and hope can solve all the problems in a more better way than in the past....

second last day of rat year...

2009-01-24T14:15:00.002+08:00

today is saturday and also second last day of rat year....i begin to have the chinese new year mood that i said i don't have in the previous posts....yesterday was a half day for me, mean that i book out 11 plus yesterday...that is really rare for me to get home in the afternoon on friday, that is a great feeling....

anyway, my sister is now still in her honeymoon place, hope she can really have great fun with her husband....kind of feeling weird nowadays, it is like one sister is no longer staying with u anymore after 2o plus years together...maybe this is life, sooner or later, one will have to leave u...but at least if u know they are living well or going in peace, don't keep hang onto it.....so appreciate what u have now is the best thing i can say, and thank goodness, i appreciated....=)

this week i thought to myself and talk to some friends about whether to continue to study after army life....i am still in a dilemma....i don't whether to continue or not, money factors become the biggest factor for me or to most of us and also the GPA....i really not sure the decision to continue to study will be the best choice or not but i believe when the times come, the direction given by God will be best for me....

it should be a boring saturday for me today....not sure what to do later....and never thought of what to do later as well....

sister wedding summary..

2009-01-21T11:01:00.002+08:00

yesterday was my sister big big day....a girl most biggest day other than giving birth to babies, i think.....and i am typing this post secretly....i guess everyone was very tired after the whole day yesterday, we woke up 4 plus something in the morning to get prepare for all the stuffs to "make fun" of the groom...it was until 7plus then they reach(because of traffic jam), the game start with her sisters telling the groom to do all sort of stuffs....it is really funny if u have saw the scene....

then he had to sing a song for my sister before he can enter my sister room....that is something different from the wedding i saw....after that, the groom and bride went to groom house for ceremony and then to my house....in the afternoon, it was the ROM time where both of them gave their pledge of love....and to the night was the dinner....

hard to type out "what had been done and what had been said " for the whole day but i know the video and pictures that was taken for the whole day tells everything....i hope i can get it(pictures i mean) and then show it to everyone here....

anyway, thanks GOD that nothing bad happened yesterday.....and hope that both of them will be happily married...=)

an unusual book-out..

2009-01-19T23:17:00.002+08:00

i am at home now....the first time i took leave from the saf to attend my sister wedding tml....can't believe time pass so fast that she is getting married tml...hope everything turn out well tml......

i am sleepy, but couldn't get to sleep now...of course not because i am nervous(also not my wedding) but then is that i am thinking alot of stuffs....so many stuffs that made felt so sickly this afternoon....only until i had a short nap in bus that cause me to recover from it....is it i should focus on stuffs that is important first before i start worry about other stuffs..??

i learnt...
i reflect....
and continue to learn...
and continue to reflect....

just wish to improve myself overall....or is it all is enough...i should stop all this and be the person i am now...???

u might ask...What are you actually thinking...???

i can only say too many stuffs in my mind, i got too stress up nowadays.....maybe i should really solve my problems now one by one....to clear off every single stuff first.....

positive side...

2009-01-18T17:35:00.003+08:00

going to book in soon....kind of used to it and can also say i'm kind of bored by this kinda of life.....rally hope when i get posted out again, the life won't be like this kind cause i know if it is like this kind again, i'm going to be like this for the next 2 years....hope it will be a good posting for me....

positive side..??

alot of people look on the negative side when they met with a problem or when they can't solve the problem no matter how much effort they put in.....i don't deny i am in this kind of situation before as well....but i know that if u look on the positive sid more, u will get to know even more and get even more and have less suffering...that is truth, do it and will know it....

there are things that is in my heart i felt will be a regret if i don't say it....there are things that i don't know why when it is reaching the point of highest peak and then it fall.....there are so many so many things to do and say....it is uneasy now, i don't know why....the uneasy feeling is so different....i have no solution...or is the only solution would be say it....i only can say, heartfelt words can be shown on actions.....only one will feel the words.....

chinese new year coming...

2009-01-18T01:12:00.002+08:00

Chinese New Year is coming...it is next week, i should say it is so fast this year....it comes earlier than last year....but anyway, i think everyone should be prepare already ba....the new year this year is different new year for me, as i am celebrating my first new year in army and if nothing wrong, i have to be back to army on the 2nd night of new year which is something that i don't do for the past 21 years of my life....done some reading inside when i have the free time, telling me that if u feel that u are someone important as well, don't even look down on your ownself cause everyone have their own special point, just that other can find it or not.....i understand what it trying to say so i know what i should do....

sister wedding coming soon, finally bought something, hope the gift will be of use for her.....she will be leaving our house to stay in another, something that i still feel abi weird....maybe for the past 21 years of my life, my family of 6 alway live together, now someone have to leave us to another place, it is abit weird......

to me, today went to chinatown again to do some shopping as well....as i have wish to buy something from there to let my family try...ate a lot of different sampless....eat until i think my stomach can put a box of biscuit already.....anyway, hope everyone enjoy the walk down chinatown though i felt like this time, chinatown is like so different as i think it don't really have as much atmosphere as last year or any of the previous years.....

actually i hope to have something different this year....i don't know the "different" will come or not...just wait and see....

a care for others...

2009-01-10T11:55:00.002+08:00

another week passed again for the army days...finally met some indifferent people in there....people who will think for others as well even if it does not benefit himself.....they may not be the best of the best, the super enthusiastic people in lesson...at least they know that they suffer the things is better than letting others to suffer it....so impressed, so surprise and so shock to really see this kinda of people....they will care for another and help another even we know each other for less than a month.....can you believe it..??? i don't at first, but now, i believe it totally....really fortunate to know this kinda of people....so it is time for me to learn from them and improve myself even more and be more optimistic toward all stuffs.....=)

went out to chinatown last saturday to look and walk around, not many stalls are set up and atmosphere is still not really there yet....i believe this week and next week will be different ba....don't know will be going there again or not but hope atmosphere there will stay the same as last few years to at least let those who going there to feel it....=)

my sister wedding is coming, chinese new year is coming but still, i didn't felt the sense of urgency and sense of festive season....is it because i need to listen to more chinese new year songs(like what my sister said)...or just because in there, it will be too dry for me to really feel the whole thing as i come out on wednesday and weekend.....

the level that i stay in become even more scary nowadays, shaking of cupboard at night become even more louder and often....the on/off of corridor light become a stuff that alot of people are scared of now....should i say so funny or so noisy.....anyway, i believe things will get even worse on feb when we going to pass out from the unit and separate to all over Singapore.....

people alway have doubts in whatever stuffs....but i believe i have to doubt my doubts nowadays as i have too many doubts in too many stuffs in my life.....i will be putting in more trust in what everyone told me and not to doubt anyone anymore as i believe if you meant to lie to me, i have no control over it and i have clear conscience that at least i didn't lie or doubt u at all.....so that it....=)

first day of 2009

2009-01-01T15:56:00.002+08:00

the first day of 2009, we send away the old 2008 and welcome the new and future 2009....different people have different wishes for the 2009, whether realistic or not, everyone hope for the best to happen....believe it, work hard, hope everyone get to realise it.....

lets talk about the "smiles" i was talking about yesterday....why do i emphasis on smiles so much yesterday, cause i found out something from the book in which the author get to meet Mother Teresa and asked "why she can still smile when she have seen so much suffering, so much poverty, so much dying and so much death..???"

know what she replied....

she said "all people need smiles cause smile bring joy to oneself and it is the best medicine for them and if you come to them with that, you really will make them feel happy and bring new life to them.."

and i feel it true, cause negative thinking kill first faith, then hope, then love, then joy....isn't it..??

so smile more will bring u ultimate thingy that you would not have expected....though there are alway times that you feel it will be hard to smile again, really cannot find any reason to smile....and yes, that is your thinking, cause in this world, there are so many things for you to smile about, not just one stuff that make u unable to smile....the joy in oneself is important....=)

Happy New Year

2008-12-31T23:23:00.002+08:00

today is New Year Eve which is also last day of 2008, a year that i lead a better life in mentality and physically....why??

cause i learnt alot from alot of people, learnt alot from the book, learnt alot from my daily reflection....cause i am enlisted into ns this year which make me more physically fit than last year....

ok, I shall wish everyone first before i forget....

HAPPY NEW YEAR.....hope everyone have a even better year ahead although life is never alway a piece of cake....anyway, smiles is all everyone need.....=)

time for some talk...new year revolutions....people asked me and i asked some...i can only say in my mind, i know what it is, i don't wish to disclose too much...as usual, lazy to type all out...in short, just hope for even more smiles in things i do....

suddenly, my mind become blank....don't really know what to write now....will add in the next post....anyway, smiles is all everyone need....=)

tiring tiring duty...

2008-12-28T18:34:00.003+08:00

this morning just finished 24hrs guard duty....very tiring, should have chosen another job for the duty so time will not pass so slow when having duty.....i finally understand and hope to integrate in my mind for the next 2 years after what have been said by the captain...i will try to enjoy the 2 years of my ns life, it will be an experience that u will never get it again in your life even if you have an reservist in future....

recently, i was reading the book, share with you all....it say:

"Life is what u make of it, you have a commitment and u can't give up. You are somebody! You must love yourself! It's not going to be a cakewalk for whole of your life but you can't give up as life will not always serve you beautiful piece of cake. So know who you are."

make sense right...cause everyone also will go through that as well...ok, share with everyone another one below:

"Any fool can count the seeds in an apple, but only GOD can count all the apples in one seed. GOD values the life potential in each life and in each seed. If you give me one fertile seed, i will give you a garden, an orchard, an industry or a family, but if cannot plant all these, then be one. Cause your heart can be the soil; GOD's love, the flower; His spirit, the fragrance."

i guess if you understand it slowly, you will eventually know what the phrase mean....i am glad that i met so many of phrases like this kind that make me to reflect more of myself about what i have done so i hope everyone here can have too...=)

anyway, thanks friend who gave me Christmas present...i appreciate it alot....and all the Christmas celebration....=)

people are that perfect as u think....

2008-12-25T15:05:00.002+08:00

familiar phrase used by others on my title...???

yes, that is used by alot others....comments are given by many and there are still people thinking the opposite way....how should i phrase it....nvm, i don't wish to keep thinking of an example...i can only say, life is alway fair for u and not perfect for u, u won't get everything u want but will get those that u should have....

alot of people don't understand the way of communication, the 2-way communication that cause one to keep quiet because of uninterested topic.....and people alway do things differently from what they are alone....does this mean they have split personality...no, cause this is what normal human does....they don't show their true colours when they interact with another or when someone is looking at them....

so this mean they wear mask...no, they don't....cause they just think that there are things that is not best to be said out or do in public....just like promises, once it broken, trust is hard to be back anymore no matter whatever have been done...isn't it....???

so don't give promises before u can confirm u can do it....anyway, not many do really understand that....what u can do is....not to really take their promises too strongly, or u will be the one who will suffer more....is it true...???

that is questionable...no answer to it too....sorry if i make u all confused...ignore this post...thanks....

new unit...new challenge...

2008-12-24T19:08:00.003+08:00

Firstly, i shall wish everyone a....

MERRY CHRISTMAS.....

today is eve of christmas which mean i'm able to book out....got into a new unit, life in this unit need more brain power than physical...as i am attending lectures more than physical activities....i think more and more things to learn after i saw some of the books they gave us....i can only say that most of the things i have gone through before in my diploma, maybe everyone there also ba...the place is far, very far away from my home, alway take a long time before i can reach there or return to home, and also the lack of physical activities that make me not really like the place too much but too bad, i have to at least serve there for the next 6-7 weeks....

anyway....think today will be celebrating my christmas eve with my family at home...i think that is also a good time for me to spend more time with them as i think after i got into army, the time i spent with them was never enough(from what i think)....so will treasure the time with them tonight....

anyway...everyone...have fun today and tml....=)

another musical....

2008-12-21T17:49:00.002+08:00

finally have a chance to sit in front of the computer to do some personal stuffs....i am so tired now as i was painting the house with my family, getting my house a new brush of paint for the incoming year....it look so different now, so new now....it was worth the effort....

yesterday went out to get new year clothing but still, i don't find anything that is so attractive and suit me until i wish to buy it....maybe should wait alittle bit longer before i start looking again....went for musical after that, that is a nice show, just felt that there are really alot of efforts being put into the show....if compared to last yar musical, i can only say that both are really good, like it alot, didn't regret for going to both shows....christmas is nearing, everywhere celebrating it, felt it yesterday at orchard, people around the streets even it is at 11 plus.....hope everyone have a nice christmas.....=)

"everyone is actually a sinner....no matter who you are, no matter you are rich,poor,handsome,pretty,ugly,strong or weak....we are all sinner....it is just whether you want to be helped or be forgiven....."

there are more to the above sentence...it told me alot, it teach me alot too...i reflected what has been said....i got some knowledge that i need to have.....anyway, today mark the end of my block leave...i will be reporting back to camp tml, the feeling was like getting back to enlistment....don't really like the feeling but no one has a choice...all of us have to report back.....

danger real faces....

2008-12-17T22:16:00.002+08:00

went to JB yesterday again...Malaysia change their custom location which is even more further away than the original one from Singapore....i can say jam is everywhere and when it is located even more further, it takes even longer to reach there...after that, u see every queue was so long and none seem to be moving...u would be very irritated by the work rate and their lack of efficiency....somemore the design is really cannot make it, make u walk one big round for nothing....ok, enough of that....anyway, bought alot of things yesterday including the shoes that i have been looking for so long.....

watched "Bolt" today....maybe i expect more from the in my mind, so i do hope for more but someone say it is good liao....ya, not a bad show but maybe even more will be better(too greedy liao..haiz...)...anyway, mummy coming home tml night....finally, she going to be back home, been a week since i last saw her.....

house has been quiet for the past few days...exercising , household chores and watching tv every morning i wake up...realise something, do people really don'tshow their real emotions when there is no danger coming their way...???

there are people who can be very friendly and warm-hearted to u while there are people who are anti-social and unhelpful but when u met with a danger, most of these people will turn to the opposite....how come..??
is it because this is the true nature of the human...they are not changable, they will alway be like that no matter how u going to change them or not doing that....again, there is no answer to all these questions again...maybe people might think i have been thinking too much again, but do come to think what i trying to mean.....

wonder....

2008-12-14T22:09:00.002+08:00

surprising to see me back here again in such a short time cause i saw something that is very meaningful and i wish to share it here....

there is a saying....

when 2 persons get together or go out...there must be something in them that attracts another that cause them to get together again but often, people forgets about this and get used to it that make either of them to take for granted unknowingly....

believe it or not....??quite true.....

there is also a saying.....

after something happen, u felt very very sad about the situation....after a while, you begin to forget some of it or become blur of the situation is a good or bad stuffs....??
maybe it is good...it is like a deep scar that is slowly disappear from your heart...maybe that is a recovery that will make you even more happier than those physical injury...

so what do u think...??i think "think it over..."

an out trip....

2008-12-14T21:26:00.002+08:00

been feeling tired everytime i reach home, maybe is because the activities i had done last few days made me really unable to rest fully after the 24km route march except today....mummy went to korea 2 days ago, wondering how is the situation there....hope she have great fun over there.....

so it mean, i will be home alone tml....wondering what can i do for the next 4 weekdays before mummy comes home...anyway, went to JB yesterday...it been a long 3 months since i last stepped out of Singapore but was met with a long wait/queue at the custom....it was really crowded yesterday that wasted alot of our time....didn't really bought alot of stuffs from there and was surprisingly left with alot of cash back from there....maybe is because really nothing caught my eyes yesterday....oh ya, the sushi there really cannot make it especially their ocha(green tea)....hot one taste so diluted while the cold one got gassy taste(unbelievable right?), but it true.....anyway, yesterday was just not our day fo JB i mean....

everything stopped for a moment...excuses are always given....i think really should stop all the excuses for myself and do what should be done....everything in this world take into consideration like the food u eat, u take how it look into consideration....so it does matter whenever something happen, whether it can be realise, it is another problem....isn't it..??

BMT days are finally over...

2008-12-12T08:47:00.003+08:00

POP on wednesday, but was really too tired till now then got the chance to write something here...the 24km route march was not an easy march for most of us and we were sent to parade after we changed, under the hot sun, many fall and even one lie flat on the ground....i don't know whether the arrangement is good or not, i just know that many parents don't like the idea of going in straight after the rout march(something that the past don't do...)

anyway, all was over but was called back on thrusday to bring back stuffs which we don't allowed to on the POP day...mean that we have to be back to tekong just because of one person blur of the whole procedure....all the promises he gave was also fake too....he is still the same.....

after that, went out with some army friends after i put down my stuffs and changed at home...i believe that we won't be meeting each other so often anymore, so friends, all of you do have to take care wherever your unit is....whatever helped you all had gave, i will remember it....=)

watched "the day the earth stood still", i should say the content of the show is quite little, not much elaboration, i think the best part should be keanu reeve speaking in chinese, that weird, and i think he really learned for a long time for just that few sentences.....
**and concentrate while watching movie or else like alamak got hurt**

still, the things that i hate in the past and did wrote here in the past still happen....why?? is it because that is life, they don't leave you at all....it is repetitive, there are times that make it hard to believe, i think i really should do something....and that is, rather let others change, i change my own perspective toward it though i really hate to do that cause everyone have the same as me as well........

festive season....

2008-12-08T11:27:00.005+08:00

festive season is coming our way, and can be seen everywhere, atmosphere can be felt everywhere as well....from neighbourhood area to city area to town area, it can be felt eveywhere.....saw this christmas tree at vivo and decided to take it down, not as nice as the paragon but just know why, just wish to take it down.....

went out to have breakfast with parents and bought something for my commanders who really helped me alot for the past 3 months....anyway, just felt that having breakfast with them was really happy stuff for me, just don't know why...maybe they are the only ones who will never leave me whenever or not i need them....=)

anyway, when i came back just now...i saw this car with alot of car bears in front, it look good...maybe in future i do have a car, i shall put something like this as well.....

* quite blur as i was holding alot of stuffs but if u look at it as a whole(not through this picture), it nice...

thin line....

2008-12-07T13:29:00.002+08:00

there are thin line between alot of things, what i mean is like alot of stuffs has thin line between them and often it is totally opposite.....alot never understand why, some do....but just some.....

there are alot of times one never thought of another so bad and start to quarrel, all stuffs like fight will never happen....that is one of the thin i'm trying to get...i was saying if one think another way(or another point of view) before they start to comment another, the effect would be alot different...but often it is not the case.....

it is alway a thin line between heaven and hell, it is depend on how you view and how you react to it....but often people forgets about it that cause all trouble flying here and there....anyway, when will everyone start to give even when they know there is no benefits for them for helping at all..??

there are more and more people getting sick around me(including me)...whether it is in tekong o in Singapore, everyone got sick....the situation that no one hope to be in, maybe that is the much needed rest they really need....however, there are still people i see are not sick at all, still got their much needed MC....the so-called "chao gen kia" still got their much-WANTED MC....there are times that i should really look from another point of view on them, how they really do things and why they want it instead of cursing and swearing.....

times that i wish to be in....
times that i don't wish to be in...
times that i have to accept the way to be in....

it just a matter of whether to put in the effort....it is just a matter of whether to feel it...a matter that i am in....

the day is coming...

2008-12-06T10:19:00.002+08:00

the time is coming...the day that so many of us wanted for the past 3 months is finally coming...i am so excited just yet cause i know the 24km route march will not be an easy one...but just hope the rain will not come for at least on the tuesday and wednesday for all of us.....cause after the the heavy rain on our rehearsal on thursday, lots of them become sick and all stuffs went the other way for most of us on friday rehearsal.....

brought my book to camp to read...read every morning before i started every single day, it was really refreshing....there is one phrase that say:

Doubt Your Doubts-
If you don't believe in yourself, please don't believe in the negative thoughts you have in yourself or GOD.....

and...

no matter how hard the things may seem to be, only you can give up and throw in the towel, no one can do that for you....

anyway....i was thinking of something...is it because of what should not have done,been done and should be done, not been done....there are times that reflecting can see through alot of stuffs...but rather there are people who really wish everything to be said face to face, and i don't deny i am that kind of person....what i was hoping always is not really complicated....anyway, there are times you cannot control anything as well....

many people are alway thinking of an easy way out for different kind of stuffs they do, and i believe there are times i am too...but there are times people don't that route but still, i think any kind of result also didn't get to see...the best way is to not keep think of it....

mentality differences...

2008-11-30T13:09:00.002+08:00

went to celebrate one of my friend 21th birthday yesterday....and were in dilemma yesterday night but still in the end got to settle everything....hope she enjoy the day and like the present we bought for her though we wished to buy another one which was bought by others already.....

met alot of people yesterday on the street while and before meeting my friends....i found out that time really change everyone....the past no longer stay for everyone especially their mentality...there are people who turn even more mature, people who turn more childish, people who turn into someone who like to act in front of another.....maybe different people got different opinions on different people but what i have seen is all these....maybe that will make different individuals feel even better ba....

the change of different individuals become so obvious that others got not really happy about or rather say not used to it ba....why..??? maybe that is what others alway said, human being alway don't really changes especially others to them cause they do not get used to it at all.....

appreciation...

u must be thinking not this word again....yes, this word again cause i have seen the lack of appreciation that cause the lost of another that make him/her suffer or rather lost....there are times when it take too long to appreciate that cause everything to turn into numb and tiredness came into them that make them sick of everything.....actually if in the beginning, the show of alittle bit more of appreciation towards another, all of the stuffs will not come to this end....

anyway, i believe all stuffs are pre-arranged by GOD...that is the direction HE want you to go, i believe HE is very fair and HE will give you the best direction in your life......

backstabbers and liars everywhere....

2008-11-29T08:46:00.002+08:00

back for another blogging post...this time is back in a different kind of mood and mode of tiredness...maybe i have not totally recover from the injury that cause me to feel even more tired than usual after all the training....

the mood i'm referring to is that i found out more things about human beings....they are so cunning, they are so different as in backstabbing another person....there are also people so silly and so childish that i couldn't believe it....they can be so good talking to you and help you while can be so evil after you turn and walk away...i pity this friend.....but at least, we managed to help him to see their true colours.....

liars....full of liars around this world...i think i am too but at least i know i don't promise and don't do it...i don't lie because i don't feel like doing of acting of it....i know the feeling of being lied and that is why i don't like to do it.....there are times that trust no longer is there that make you don't even know what should you do next....there are times that you wish to really do the stuffs...but it is alway being stopped....yes, excuses right..!!! i know it....but there are times a no confidence person need more confidence in himself/herself, they need a little bit more times....it may take abit long but i'm sure when the times come, no one would wish to have disappointment....

the inflexibility....

2008-11-23T11:46:00.002+08:00

there are things that are not allow to be said in here, there are things that u wish to say but can't be said for the safety of ownself...i don't deny i have to look at the bigger picture but still, i will say something out...got status again on the friday for my right ligament problem, i don't think the problem is solve now as i still feel the pain while running and walking- not to say marching....but anyway, the point i wanted to state is about wasting food....ok, everyone know that in this world, there are still many many people out there starving to death and many are surviving on tree bunks...but still, there are people given lots of untouched food(still got 2 years before the expiry) and not even dirty at all(as there is packaging) to be thrown into the dustbins...and in order not to be get caught, it was opened and thrown separately...

what should i say about the act...???

i only can say nothing...cause my words are not powerful enough, not strong enough and most importantly, i'm sure i am not able to even protect myself if i sound it out even more clearer here.....i'm sure there are more and i have more to say but unable to.....i shall say that is one of the darkest secret they alway hide from the public....i felt so ashamed of them.....

anyway, let's not talk about that anymore or troubles will all fly to my place the next day.....watched "beverly hill chihuahua" yesterday night....from my point of view, it is a nice show....there are some laughter of course and i'm quite sure after u watch, u would even wish to have a dog(your fav dog) for yourself(if you don't have one)......alot of walk was done yesterday but to me, i still feel that i have enjoyed yesterday....=)

then the k session yesterday was short, but still, i felt it was a short gatherings for my buddies and is enough after weeks of not meeting...appreciate it too....

anyway.....

there are things still to be said....
there are things wished to be said....
there are things not yet be said.....
and
there are things nearly be said....

End of SIT test...

2008-11-16T00:05:00.002+08:00

end if it...end of all the staying in the field area at least for the BMT phrase....the most presents i got is probably my "bites" found all over my body,abrasions(on my both groins), both feet was totally "gone"....and also the full of mud and sand uniforms....as usual, toilet was filled with sand after all the washing....that was really irritating when u see all this just happen to u at a time....

ok, enough of the army stuffs again....

blog seem to be my weekly "things to do" after i book out.....maybe there are really things to say, want to say and not to say, don't want to say.....

contradicting hah....confusing hah....???

nvm...it ok....for at least, i do spend my weekend happily and nicely....why do i say that..???

there are no answer to the question, cause i know the one who read know what i'm trying to say anyway....expo trip was really watery this time....=x

there are times that i hope to hear....
there are times that i hope to say....
but....
times alway failed me....

End of Field Camp....

2008-11-09T14:00:00.002+08:00

Finally, i'm back home on the weekend after another 2 weeks of confinement for the 6days 5nights field camp.....it is a "nightmare" for most of us, not just for the training but for the sanitary condition and living condition....i think no one will hope to go back there ever again....anyway, it over, another chapter i finally close.....

i have been inside for 2 months already....alot of things changes and happened that i don't even aware of...because of the lack of news inside that sometimes make me don't bother to find out anymore....cause tiredness make me exhausted....

Is army really want to make us lose contact with the world and make us keep training..???

i believe alot of people also went through the same stuffs....and don't even have the energy to find out the answer anymore...and that apply to me as well....

went to have good food yesterday....went to paris in marina square, but was not as good as what i was expected....the food quality was not good and variety are less too....think will never step into that place again....went to watch "coffin"...i should no ending show, the movie don't really have great depth or meaning...not as scary as what was told....should say just another less than average show produced....

hope the day didn't spoiled because of the things not done and stuffs like lousy quality of food and show....it may not be any surprise but i hope u really don't mind as i do try to make everything the best i can.....=)

in this world, alot of things done are for a reason....for example, in the field camp, there are people who come to help u cause of the commanders are looking and they wanted to give them the good impression....this is something i don't understand, why one cannot do something without any benefits....maybe like my friend said, these are those "true colours" that u will see during the field camp.....

i have no doubt that i wish to have something as well, just waiting for the feeling to come, mine has never stop, and i'm still unsure of sometimes....there are times that what done and said are no joke at all....feel it and that is real.....

ignore...

2008-10-26T21:36:00.002+08:00

tomorrow will be the start of a new week and also my real experience on living in jungle comes...with mixed feeling, but just hope illness don't come to find me anymore....i need the energy, endurance, concentration, mental and physical to go through the coming weeks and months....

anyway, today didn't have anything to do....accompany parents the whole day.....while doing my own project.....

every human in this world have something call "feeling"...it have alot of different kinds of explanation and since it easy, i will not explain it further....i am talking about the feeling of being ignore.....i believe no one like to be ignore by another when they are talking to them or whatever...cause being ignore is not a good feeling for the talker...but there are still many does that with thinking that as long more and more of ignoring the talker, the talker will realise....but the listener will never ever understand...it is not at all....

we all have a mouth...we can stop another not just by using mouth....there are others actions as well...but the feeling of being ignore will not disappear at all...for me, i do feel that too of course...sometimes i just need a reply, and not being ignore....but it alway don't turn out what i wished for...the feeling of being ignore still do appear in me....i don't like it and hope people don't do it, but it has never happen....i believe for most people too....

the different excitement...

2008-10-25T14:22:00.002+08:00

there are so many different excitement.....different people will feel excited for different things, words and even another people.....just like different people got different opinions on the same things.....some will felt excited for certain things shown to them....some will felt excited upon hearing someone is coming....some will felt excited just for little things like words from another....

this is nature....isn't it...??? nature cause everyone to be different in the eyes of another....some excitement do stand for long....like standing there for a month...a year...or even forever....some only stand for a minute or even a second....these are big and small excitement u seen and felt...isn't it...???

and of course....i hope for the excitement to come to me always....but i know not everyday is sunday.....there are bound to hav negative points when u got a positive stuffs....and that make appreciation come into place.....

few words do make a person different....alway wondering whether the things will come true or not...as it alway afraid that this will be an empty promise being made....no one knows until the date come....so only thing it can do is to wait....and wait....

Without U~~The World Is So Meaningless~~Without U